this might come off as melodramatic, but remember to be kind and the things that are in your nature. It's not crazy to say that your environment is largely negative (especially these days), so when you get drowned out by all that hurt just don't think it has to turn you inside-out.

These days, it feels like I've once again fallen from grace. It's a bad feeling every time it happens. The jealously and hate are the only things you see, and the pain in your body is felt tenfolds. Still, it would do you some good to remember that you're not a bad person, you're still just a kid, when you can you do more than you would when you can't. Shame is a powerful self-destructor, and you already feel this when you're in your usual state, there's no use aggravating the feeling when you feel hopeless and useless.

The fact that you're not conventional isn't inherently bad. The way these days and these people treat you ins't something you'd appreciate from anyone, so just don't reciprocate. If you need to walk away from something, then do. If you have to stick by something then do.

Don't lose your head over people who won't appreciate your efforts. Stop proving yourself to those who don't care about proving themselves to you. It's not like you're an inconsiderate, or selfish, or even lazy person. If anything the people you fixate on are those who embody those things one way or another. Or they just don't care about you. Either way they don't owe you anything, and you don't owe them anything. Go your way, like you do, and try to remember that not all things are that way. I can only hope, but I'd like to think that this won't be the case when it actually matters.

Your experiences are authentic to you, don't expect people to reciprocate your struggles, the things you worry about, the things you love, your sadness or your happiness.

Despite this rough patch, you have redeeming times to fall back on. There are times where all you can do is survive. You're not in the wrong for falling to the side that you do. It takes violence to know the horrors of it, and to not want it. That's not to say you're always in the right, but at the very least you're quick to notice when that's the case and you try to make it right.

you're just you for feeling exasperated, tired, angry, betrayed, and abandoned by everything that's happened. It's okay to feel this way, but just remember that some people don't feel the same. It's in your best interest to help yourself when it does comes to that, and direct your love and empathy to those who want it.