I miss 2016. It's hard to think that it's already 2019. The year is still technically starting, but school ends soon so the juxtaposition kinda of makes me feel like 2018 is still ending.

Thinking back on it, it does feel like these last few years have moved kinda quick, but at the same time it feels like an eternity. At one point I should compile a list of events that have happened since around 2016 that have been significant to me, before I forget. Or it might be better to forget - idk.

Right now I really wish it was 2016, when weirdly enough things were kinda clear or at least more vivid. Although maybe if I could go back to that time in place, and be mindful of my thoughts during that time while still being aware enough to compare, its possible that I felt miserable in some other way then too.

Strangely enough I think that year is the best one I've had here so far. I think I'm in a rut or something. Nothing really feels good and I haven't done any work for school in about a week. I know that's gonna come bite me in the ass sooner or later but right now I don't know. I'm not sure where to turn from here, I'm stuck. I'm trying to look forward to things but mostly I'm just finding it hard to wake up in the morning. I don't want to move forward, or backwards, or move at all. I want things to stop for an indefinite amount of time.

What do I do when not even the little things that usually keep my head above water work to get me through?

Right now I'm trying best to distract myself, but also I can't get anything done.