Run, don't walk, to your local books store and get this book. It has the Coen brothers written all over it. Here is a list of the crazy characters Eli and Charlie encounter during their adventure.

• Tub   ✦   Eli's swayback one eyed horse.
• The Commodore   ✦   thats it no name. Who is he?
• Herman Kermit Warm   ✦   Our two protagonists quarry.
• Henry Morris   ✦   A scout for The Commodore and a "dandy"
• The Weeping Man   ✦   yet another no named character. "they all left!!!"
• Unnamed Spider   ✦   hairy, fat bottomed, toe bitin' spider.
• Doc Watts, DDS   ✦   Lanced Eli's melon head, pulled 2 teeth, introduced the boys to novacaine and even promoted a new invention called the tooth brush.
• The Vile Gypsy Witch   ✦   Cabin squatting witch with the dented head. Door!
• Grizley Bear #1   ✦   taken down by Eli, but not before it got a swing in on Tub ruining one eye and scrambling his brains.
• Unnamed prospector's 1-5   ✦   5 seeking fortune, found Charlie Sisters. He even killed the buck toothed one.
• Trading Post Proprietor   ✦   Sold the boys some new clothes and hats. Do NOT doubt the quality of his seed.
• Trading Post Rag Girl   ✦   Her only mission in life seems to be to bring a clean rag to wipe the customers head before trying on a hat. RAG!
• Sally The Bookeeper   ✦   Mayfields bookeeper and the object of Eli's affection.
• Williams The Cocky Dueling Lawyer   ✦   For all his bluster, was shot dead by Stamm, who had never dueled.
• Stamm The Duelist That Had Never Dueled   ✦   the underdog duelist, yet the other is underground.
• Inconsiderate Man At Duel   ✦   Didn't realize just how close to dying he came because of....
• Inconsiderate Mans Back Kicking Son   ✦   Focused on seeing violence, he almost kicked Eli in the back one time too many.
• Williams' Second   ✦   The "second" in a duel is kinna like the pit crew, getting the driver ready for the race. Even his dandified finery could not prevent a hole in Williams chest.
• The 17 Hand Tall Indianless Horse   ✦   no saddle, or bridle, his supersized indain master was found dead down the road.
• Overweight Horseless Dead Indian   ✦   See above.
• The Jacksonville Stable Hand   ✦   Eli's swayback one eyed horse.
• The 'You want to be unhungry' Waiter   ✦   Baffled by Eli's request for food 'not so heavy'
• Cook Of Carrots   ✦   Passively agressively left the green ends on Eli's boiled carots.
• Breakfast Waiter Boy   ✦   When asked where his momma was,replied "In heaven"
• Pigeon In A Vest Type Proprietor   ✦   Made Eli try teh other "flavors" of tooth powder.
• Jacksonville Stable Hand's Woman   ✦   SHUT UP!.
• Tub   ✦   Eli's swayback one eyed horse.