negatives

• physically, too short.
• too hairy.
• boring eye color.
• crooked nose, ugly shape.
• ugly eyebrows that grow in a way that can't allow for them to be shaped.
• small lips.
• very crooked jaw.
• significantly crooked ears.
• thick hair.
• small hands.
• weird toenails. weird feet in generally.
• oily skin.
• dandruff.
• wide face.
• big head.
• obviously gay voice.
• weird mannerisms.
• laugh too much, ugly laugh.
• too easily influenced by others.
• too short of memory.
• romanticizes too much.
• exaggerated douchey manliness at inopportune times
• laughs extra hard when i'm suddenly upset.
• can't cry around friends.
• can't say why though it's so clear in the head.
• no guy friends. no idea how to start.
• no self-awareness in terms of personality.
• no physical strength.
• no willingness to sacrifice my "authenticity" to make guy friends (though i am proud of this)
• too much baseless disdain for my father, too much trust for my mother.
• too much distance from my sister.
• totally a hypocrite in key political and economic issues.
• idealistic with no remote plan for the future.
• no personal style to doodle out of.
• no professional style to go off of.
• condescending and judgmental.
• too few sex dreams.
• few sex dreams are uneventful.
• pedestrian fetish interests (though it makes it easy to find material)
• a virgin still.
• unable to successfully find someone worth being with.
• only able to have serious relationships, according to danielle, who would know.
• gay and mostly in the closet, mostly from myself.
• too open, yet closed.
• feelings of personal aesthetics waver too frequently and strongly
• spends too much time alone.
• makes too many detrimental friendships.

positives?

• i like my diverse artistic interests, though i know i'll overstretch myself to fulfill it all.
• i like that i'm smart enough to tackle pretty much everything that interests me, while competing intellectually with everyone i've met, besides those i have had a crippling feeling of inadequacy around.
• i like that i can pull of spring colors with clothes.
• i like what i like a lot.
• i generally like my closest friends.
• i feel i have been able to let go of friends who do come and go pretty well.
• i feel i'm much more in touch with my emotions than most people, whatever that entails.
• i like the shape of my eyes. though I'd prefer the shape that brings to mind the power of a wolf.
• i like most things about my chin, the scar on my cheek most days, and how i can always laugh, and do a lot.
• i like a lot of things i have written, though maybe i shouldn't, and i like liking to read.
• i like that i like science, and only have a diversion from sports, simply because it should be pluralistic and from within, i just don't give a damn, really.
• i like that my interests are sincere.
• i like how i make a lot of lists. it's a kind of order i can allow myself to have, when i wish to be for more chaos.
• i like and loathe how nauseated i feel around those i have crushes on
• i mostly like the interests i had as a kid, as my early attempts at songwriting and dreams of some utopic society have come full-circle in taking up my thoughts at the moment