december 2020 things i've been doing recently

as of 12/31/2020

• it's the 31st! i'm listening to puberty 2 as me nd my virgo moon construct media consumption lists for the new year.
• i'm writing a piece for paragon (i guess...) on loving one another between knots of distance, and i feel like a hypocrite for doing so. i owe a lot to my friends i haven't talked to in ages; it's still a problem to this day, and i still have no idea on how to approach it.
• found myself a few fixations since i last checked in—thai tv, lgbtqia+ media, etcetc. i started writing fanfiction again! it's become a source of comofort in between schoolwork and an absolute joy to work on. ive found a number of little gems on ao3 as well T^T
• i don't know what i've become this year. i'm trying to look at myself from afar and it's all so strange and blurry, but i know i'm better than i was before. i think i like who i am, although she is blurry and incomprehensible.
• i spent the first few hours of today conversing with casley over twitter. my fondness for her has only grown; she's such a blessing

august 2020 things i've been doing recently

as of 08/07/2020

• i'm fifteen! i spent the first moments doing an IR requirement to moonrise. casley greeted me first; she edited my face in a piece of sponge bread and i love her a lot a lot. it's 12:32 and i'm deciding if i want to journal or go to sleep or finish requirements. i'm fifteen. i feel lonlier tonight, but that's okay.

i as of 08/03/2020

• thinking hard about how i plan to balance creative yearnings (newsletter, journaling, reading, writing, the useless watercolor nights...) with schoolwork. the last school year has been a hard lesson learned - i cannot survive without them or i will fall deep in burnout and possibly another depressive episode. my copy of mary oliver's upstream arrived recently, and i look forward to reading it (after rilke's poetry collection <33); i plan to purchase a travelers notebook for myself to make home for my journal; i've been curating short readings on the internet on many different things i'm interested in; numerous ideas for my newsletter surfacing and demanding to be written. i cannot lose them to the cruel academic world.

july 2020 things i've been doing recently

as of 07/31/2020

• the last day of july - nothing felt quite real as everything went by so fast!
• the whole month was a bittersweet transition to the start of the school year - filled with many beautiful moments in its in betweens that i'd hate to say goodbye to (for the time being)
• rainy season has declared its arrival in cold mornings and tranquil days - rain makes me recall many rainy days throughout the years, and i'm thinking of class suspensions and late mornings being sent home early. we'd usually meet mama at aura and have lunch (what would i do without them?)
• went swimming with family on the first saturday of the month - had the whole village pool to ourselves, and it was the deepest breath of fresh air from the confines of home (as much as i do love this home and this room, i miss everything else terribly)
• the latter half of july consisted of org duties and workshops and projects! loved every moment although i would be an anxious mess. i'm not the closest with my fellow editors (i'm the youngest again!) but my heart is filled with love for them (esp ate den and sian <33 as well as the features staffers)
• school began on the 27th and my relationship with it is the same old :") i have yet to warm up to asynchronous classes, but i'm happy i'm getting through them with my friends
• celebrated agi's birthday on discord, skrrible io, and minecraft (for a brief few minutes) miss her a lot :""); andrea turned 15 on the 28th and my heart aches at not being able to hug her; and cas!! casley day was on the 24th, the release date of folklore :DD she deserves to share a birthday with our emotional support album, honestly. i"m so grateful these beautiful people were born
• july was a good media month - devoured many films and a drama, and reading slowly through rilke's poetry <3

june 2020 things i've been doing recently

as of 06/26/2020

• i rearranged my shelves and made some adjustments to my workspace - i love my room as it is but i've always needed to declutter and get rid of all the junk i don't need (+ the dust!! so much dust!!) i've been working here so often that i think it's about time i decorate my desk w all the prints and photos i've been meaning to put up. having my desk by the window was the best decision i've ever made and i don't want to change the arrangement of my room anytime soon :))
• i started reading a few essays from w.e.b. du bois' collection, and it's going a little slowly but!! it's okay! the movement goes on continuously within ourselves and in the world.
• we had our first editorial board meeting last night, and everything just feels a bit more real. i'll have hurdles to overcome and duties to attend to but i can do it! no slacking off this year! i'm optimistic for the time being, and i want to keep it this way
• started rewatching reply 1988 w cas! and it's been putting me in such a good mood! seratonin!!!! seratonin!

as of 06/22/2020

• i passed both screenings for insights! i got appointed assoc. editor!!! this makes me so happy <3

as of 06/20/2020

• review classes came to an end on the 11th, and i've been relishing my free days. i'm filling all the journal pages i left untouched during those few weeks, and caring more deeply for the alone time i have now. the school year will start next month, and the electives were released just this week. everything's starting to feel a bit more real.
• started "a tale for the time being" by ruth ozeki, but progress hasn't been going as smoothly with it as i wished. it feels very intriguing and meaningful, but i'm paying more attention to my blm/other social issues readings. i feel like i should stop putting them aside and begin educating myself to a deeper extent.
• phoebe bridgers' punisher. my first phoebe bridgers' album and it's gold. free therapy baby!
• i'm beginning to miss life as i knew it. there are so many things i once loved and never thought would leave. but i don't think i'll be seeing the streets anytime soon.
• casley and i have been getting together through netflix parties to finish the last of itaewon class. we also rewatched the last episode of cloy, and gone through a whole emotional roller coaster for the cottagecore + the house + the tenderness at the end.
• i love my friends. i wish they can receive all the love in the world.
• thirdy and i went on a discord voice channel with our best friend music bot. i love listening to music with my friends.
• still want to balance what i give to my friends and what i owe to myself. my alone time is just as precious to me, and because of this, i tend to isolate myself from them for months on end before coming back for a single day, only to disappear again. i need to find a balance for that :")
• inked my prefounte in dark purple! the ink-pen combination is perfect and the ink is so pretty on my cream journal!

may 2020

things i've been doing recently

as of 05/31/2020

• online review lectures started on the seventeenth, and i've been attending the 3-hour video calls everyday. today's the second free day i'll be having, and yet again, i am overjoyed to be able to play my full playlist. i journaled in the morning and spent midday with ma and anjo in his room (as we are accustomed to), and as much as i understand i have to prep for senior high entrance exams, i do miss these slow routines and loosely structured days
• moved in the fourth?? notebook since quarantine started (the previous two were hand-sewn ones and lacked too many pages so i don't know if i can count them as full volumes/diaries). my journaling time is as precious as it always was, just a little less frequent and more scattered. it's a cream paper travelers notebook insert--she's gorgeous and i'm so excited to continue filling the pages!
• finished the song of achilles!! it was so beautifully written and exquisitely told (storytelling's peak!). my heart was so heavy within the last few chapters, and i didn't expect to sob that hard???? it's definitely one of my favorites now.
• strength training carries on. it's getting more difficult as it should, and i got my first muscle strain since starting.
• things aren't looking very good outside the comfort of my little home
• *blm, #junkterrorbillnow -- we cry for change

as of 05/18/2020

• joined our school's free writing workshop on google classroom. i wrote my first feature article in a while, and i forgot how much i enjoyed crafting and writing these pieces, especially on topics i'm passionate about. this one tackled the fundamental elements of journalism and the significance of press freedom, etc.
• started reading "the song of achilles" and it's been tugging at my heart. i've drowned in madeline miller's prose once again, and i'm enjoying it immensely.
• papa bought an inflatable pool for talia, and she's been swimming outside a lot. sometimes i wish i could sit and dip my feet in the water as i read or write or something. i'll keep that in mind.
• the ink and notebooks from scribe arrived! i also got a converter and am currently trying to finish my blue ink to give way for the dark purple!

as of 05/09/2020

• been cooking a bit more, spending middays to afternoons w my mama and anjo
  • we made egg rolls, coffee pancakes and (recently) a failed but promising fried bread (update: we were able to use the dough and make fried doughnuts!)
• i've been living a lot in evenings--taking time to open my journal, reading, watching drama episodes and films. still try to sleep before 1 am, but i'm currently looking into putting in more alone hours during the day!
• strength training has been going well. pa recently got a bench-press, and i think we're learning to get the hang of things
• just finished my first hand-sewn notebook and moving into the next. ordered ink and another notebook from scribe, so maybe i'll be able to take a break from sewing stray notebook pages (love my hand-sewn babies just the same tho!)
• my first skillshare class! took up creative writing for all: a 10-day journaling challenge w emily gould. starting is a bit daunting, but i think i'll be able to find many takeaways
• review classes start on the 15th. very anxious for what it'll have in store for me, but these times are opportune, and there's promise. very faintly there, but there's promise.
• trying to continue with my bare minimum digital collaging; it's fun :)