2020 jan-jun | feelings of the first half

• journaling, paper collaging, travelers notebooks (although i don't own one)
  • a newfound love (journal style <33): yemseul, ana jimenez, baum-kuchen, halloalice
• analogue & stationery (i will love analogue every year)
  • fountain pens and pretty inks, collecting inks and paper
• cooking - learning in small meals and lovely afternoons
• music and exploring and exploring music - in the car during early mornings headed to school, falling asleep on the couch with my earphones on, in the mornings with the blinds opened and the sunlight seeping through the bedroom, late nights and new albums and my journal
• mamamoo, red velvet, iu, more female kpop idol groups nd artists - all the seratonin i'll need
• the last months of the school year were incredibly blissful - cheering competition and its endless practices, school fair, the tiniest bits of joy in the classroom and all the moments in between, feeling a little more freer and sure
• isolating from social media (although i have to find a balance), embracing my hermit tendencies and alone time and being at peace in my own presence
• homemaking - small steps to building a space for my heart - started with rearranging the bedroom in december and slowly morphing it into a space for my heart
• waking up in the mornings and embracing them - being early enough to greet the morning light and have breakfast; journaling, reading, playing music on my desk after i open the blinds and make the bed; having the desk by the window and watching the morning pass by outside.
• shamelessly romanticizing everyday (to an extent! we need to stay aware nd informed!) when i feel down
• relentlessly growing love for my home and my little corner of the world
• escapril and poetry month - fumbling to draw poems from the withered shell of my brain and being a little more proud of myself each day
• i started my newsletter, made myself another cyberspace
• embracing reading once more
• assemblies in my brother's room to watch kdrama episodes, heading downstairs for afternoon snacks then working out on the days we feel like it - i'm grateful that home is a comfort and not a curse
• boundless love for all my friends - meetups through netflix watch parties, scattered messages, discord voice channels, the messy (incredibly rare) video calls. i want to tell them how loved they are
• being appointed associate editor for the school paper, a sense of responsibility and an anticipation of what is to come

2020 jul-dec

• academic year 2020-2021. got through most of it with casley and thirdy and myself. mostly me and my bedroom and passing time and missed deadlines. lots of trial nd error re: work ethic and routine. i never know how to balance academia with being alive, and breaks are usually the only instances i can properly think. it's christmas vacation as i write this, and it's felt like a long exhale, like the color has returned to the world around me.
• my birthday in august! i can't believe they named a month after a taylor swift song. we had jajangmyeon and bulgogi (suki namin yung korean resto binigyan pa kami ng rice juice), and a family friend brought us cake. felt very loved and full. spent the first few minutes of the day falling asleep to lee hi's holo.
• tita chi and tito lec's visits and the joy they bring. once on august 28--tita chi's birthday--and another on december 12--talia's. we share lunch and dinner, and play little games, have little conversations in between and after. these months are easier to carry with them.
• being gifted a traveler's notebook after all the pining! i made a little folder and keep pictures of the people i love (and stickers. i keep lots of stickers :>). it's been such a gentle companion. whenever i have free time, it's become an instinct to make paper collages--those mornings have been gentle reminders that i'm still here <3
• discovering asian lgbtqia+ media and thai television. falling in love and wanting to fall in love. my favs: i told sunset about you; gaya sa pelikula; 2gether the series/still2gether; pearl next door. fixated on the gifted franchise for months, and it has led to my reluctant return to fanfiction. i am in love with writing again, even in this silly way! have 3 short pieces up on ao3; writing them has kept me company in between grueling school weeks.
• i am not as lively as i was from months ago, and the lines dividing time have become so bleak, but i want to stay hopeful.
• evermore.........
• listening to puberty 2 for the first time. mitski makes my heart race.
• starting a commonplace notebook in hopes of capturing found thing
• set up a new stand for weights in our little space at home. i can also do pullups, which we've been attempting for months. i'm still scared of the taller bar, though. i can't bring myself to jump after the one time i fell over lmfao
• cooked soup for christmas eve. shared a small meal before heading upstairs early. spent christmas day on a zoom call with extended family, then with myself, hyori's homestay, and my journal. new year's eve was the same-- shared a call with two friends to count down, then watched run on w mama and anjo