auditory travels here...https://www.nts.live/shows/anu/episodes/anu-27th-september-2018

i'm very affected by all the men who test me currently

those who silence me because my internal world is too unpleasant to process, the weight of my words in the room falling like boulders up atop my mouth, hard thuds on the heliotrope comforters

those assigned to care for me but occupy attitudes of benign neglect (always trust me gut on those, big fuck you)

to those who test me and tease, why is that a form of silencing, i don't think it's playful, its like an intellectual violence, I don't want to say i take myself too seriously but these spaces are challenging to navigate with my voice, i will never sit too close to you ever again, or I might have to zip myself up to that

To the fucker who doubted me, to twist my words like the manipulator i see, the one who believe counterinsurgency is justified to protect the innocence of moon toned children, Giant Stellar Fuck You. So rude, I hope i don't come across like that. I'm patient, I will avoid you in the future, if i can't i will confront you (don't put words in my mouth, i'm too paranoid for that shit)

is my help not wanted? because the femmes want to hear me louder, more clearly, more coherently, I don't want to be pushy, how hard must i fight to be heard, to advocate for the bare minimum to be considered. Must i hunt you down

yet i know how privileged i am, that i can run away but how many times have i sprinted toward another uncertainty?