looking to the past to understand myself in the present is my go-to method of healing and has never failed me.

learning about narcissistic abuse made me feel seen, heard, validated, and understood. it explained my pain like nothing else i had ever come across. the awareness of this knowledge empowered me to stand up to my abusers and free myself from their clutches. i know there will be others like me who need this, so I share it here:

if you experience constant patterns of this behaviour in your home or relationship, this is for you. i focus on parents, but it can be anyone, even political systems.

(generally...) domestic violence, and physical & emotional abuse:

• witnessing, or being a part of, fights, or emotional volatility at home
• having a parent/ carer who showcase irrational, explosive, and perhaps also violent rage
• feeling silenced, powerless, or like you have to walk on eggshells to avoid getting in trouble
• being guilt-tripped, criticised or nitpicked, and shamed, either constantly, or when they are in a bad mood
• being shouted at, bullied, manipulated, controlled, and forced to do things against your will (emotional abuse that can cross over into physical abuse)
• being physically abused, i.e. hit, smacked, kicked, and hurt in other physical ways
• feeling like maybe you were unsafe, or couldn't trust your parents/ carers
• parent/ carer who suffers from dependency issues, like alcoholism or drug-taking (abuse/ neglect is likely to occur, but I think in itself this is a sort of domestic violence)
• living with diagnosed or undiagnosed mental illness in the household (abuse/ neglect is likely to occur)

(generally...) CEN (childhood emotional neglect), adultification & other forms of emotional and physical abuse:

• having to intervene, mediate, or peacemake between adults in a fight
• feeling alone, and having to take care of yourself or others
• feeling like you had to be your parent/ carer's emotional or physical support
• feeling like YOU were the adult, and they the child
• being made to feel like your needs were a burden to your parents/ carers, or being made to feel guilty for having needs
• feeling like it was unsafe to be yourself around your parents/ at home
• not being praised, supported, cuddled, communicated with, or paid attention to enough
• having a parent/ carer who is NEVER wrong, apparently, and is unable to communicate with you when you bring up an issue (direct example of a narcissistic parent/ partner)

look into:

• narcissistic parents
• vulnerable narcissistic parent
• grandiose narcissistic parent
• borderline personality disorder parent
• toxic parents
• emotionally immature parents
• dysfunctional families
• child-roles in dysfunctional families
• scapegoat child
• flying monkeys
• childhood emotional neglect (CEN)
• emotional incest
• CPTSD (c stands for complex)
• gaslighting
• enabling
• manipulation
• DARVO: deny, attack, reverse victim and offender
• ACES (adverse childhood experiences)
• attachment styles and theory
• latchkey kids

links:

• (part 1) 25 characteristics of narcissistic parents and dysfunctional families: https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2019/04/narcissistic-families-p1#1
• (part 2) 25 characteristics of narcissistic parents and dysfunctional families: https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2019/05/narcissistic-families-p2#1
• the 12 rules of a dysfunctional narcissistic family: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/202003/the-12-rules-dysfunctional-narcissistic-family
• the real effect of narcissistic parenting on children: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201802/the-real-effect-narcissistic-parenting-children
• the roles of the children: https://luckyottershaven.com/2016/07/17/child-roles-in-dysfunctional-families/comment-page-1/
• self-identifying as an adult child of narcissistic parents: https://themindsjournal.com/self-identifying-adult-child-of-narcissistic-parents/
• 12 life-impacting symptoms complex PTSD survivors endure: https://themighty.com/2017/08/life-impacting-symptoms-of-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/

online forum to hear from others in the same situations: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/

abuse victims' feelings and experiences are valid, period. researching this topic helps us understand the trauma we experienced in depth and detail, and how that affects us now. it gives us the power to recognise and stand up to abuse when we are confronted with it. access to this information saves lives, so please share it.

calling it 'abuse' or 'emotional abuse' does not open up a floodgate of essential information that is otherwise found when looking specifically into something like "narcissistic" abuse. that's why i feel duty-bound in sharing it regardless of other issues.

abuse victims shouldn't have to walk on eggshells (again) to please people who care more about the abuser's situation. having to defend this information is already incredibly triggering for victims, so please bare that in mind and have empathy. everyone deserves the privilege of a happy, healthy, and free life, even if that means we have to reckon with uncomfortable realities.

an important lesson in this, one that humanity are struggling to learn, is that you can't put the abuser's needs before the victim's. we're seeing this now in other parts of the world. FREE PALESTINE and all victims of oppressive and abusive systems and situations.

as a victim, it isn't our responsibility to save our abuser, and our feelings, experiences, and lives are worth no less than theirs.

love and healing to all. may justice and humanity prosper.