for the past few days she couldnt move her body. it was almost like she was completely immobilized, and she could barely move her hands.

but she could lift her hand today, just her left though, but she could. and this evening when i told her that it was time for me to leave for work, she didnt say anything and just held onto my hands tightly. of course it was partly because it was hard for her to say even just a word. but she just looked at me really dearly, and held my hand, tightly. really tightly.

she tried to say something to me, and i leaned closer, but she couldn’t say anything. it was minutes later that i could finally gather the courage to take her hand off, reassuring her that i would be coming the next day by caressing her hands and legs. only after i kissed her hand, she finally looked at me, and smiled one last time, and loosened my hand.

i wanted to cry that moment, but i could shake it, and i smiled back at her, and kissed her hand again, and reassured her, and got to work.

two days ago when it was just me in the hospital room with her, the doctors brought in the monitor and stuck pads and wires onto her body. i was just standing, looking at them, and waiting nervously. they asked if i knew the situation, i said yes, and they told me to be prepared for the worst to come any time.

i havent felt anything struck my heart that intensely for such a long time until that moment.

i came to her after they had left. she looked at me as if she was trying to ask something, and i wanted to cry when i saw her eyes. but i held in my tears again, because i mustnt cry, for i was the only one she could lean on that moment. i needed to be her strength. so i just smiled at her and said the machine was for monitoring her heartbeats, it was nothing severe, she didnt have to worry. i gently stroke her hair, and she smiled before closing her eyes for a short sleep.

she got better today, but i just dont know how many days i have left with her. the doctors words just stuck on the back of my mind and it pains me anytime i think about it. but i just hope for as long as she is still here with me, she knows that i also love her, dearly.