These are my descriptions of all the beers I tasted at this years Jersey Beer Festival, before any beardy real ale experts start complaining at me I must stress that I am in no way a real ale expert, moreover I'm an idiot who got very drunk!

• Martins - Blew up on the boat, must be highly volatile!
• Fruggles - Full fruity Drew ale, not sure what a fruggle is though
• Explorer - It tastes like how new carpets smell
• At t'Ghost & Ghoul - Very clear, smooth, fruity and hops, has it all and gets extra marks for being Northern!
• Warm Willie - Smoky and chocolatey, goes down smoothly
• Game, Set, and Match - Smells like eggs, tastes like eggs, vvvv poor
• SPA - Beer that tastes of cheese, Edam is made backwards
• Bear Ass - I'm not sure if ruby has a taste but if it does it tastes like this, nice!
• Chipping Steamer - Tastes kinda like Becks, I like Becks so I like this one
• Summer Virgin - Sharp and citrusy, is citrusy a word? Good anyway
• Hurricane Bitter - Low taste but does grow, not heavy which is good
• Shuttleworth Snap - Smells like eggs but tastes light and smooth
• Rebus 20 - Medicinal
• XPA - Smells and tastes of cheese, not a fan
• Sundance - Fruity, if not a little watery but rather nice
• Black Gold - Looks smells and tastes like coffee with medicine mixed in, not the best
• Secret Hop - Cloudy, tangy malty hops taste, buggered if I know the secret!
• Harrier Lite - Sharp, sweet and full of hops
• Blue Jay Best Bitter - Horrible, a bit like flu medicine
• Brewers Gold Extra! - Top like washing up liquid, berry type smell, very nice ale but the aftertaste could last longer but tastes of tea after a while
• Killer Bee - Chewey and cheeky, smooth nutty aftertaste
• Wish Ewe Were Here - Smells like jam, tastes of strawberries
• KSA - Tastes like nothing and then a slight hint of cherry
• Valour - Elderflower, Steph likes it
• Fox - Slow burner but grows on you
• Lady Of The Lake - Consistently good, gets you pissed without knowing it
• Jouster - Tastes of tea, probably made in a bath
• Nightmare Porter - I'm getting that malt and chocolatey tastes, smokey too, its okay
• Cherry Bomb - Beer and cherries, no thanks, not for me!
• Liberator - No description, rubyish, not bad I guess
• Schehallion - In the words of Ron Burgundy "I immediately regret this decision"
• Red - Heavy, nutty, a good brew
• Hooky Gold - Cold, chewey, fruity, just the job
• Crop Circle - Clearest ale ever, great stuff and Manesh is a legend!
• Bleaklow - Worlds best half, light citrus tea, although Steve doesn't rate it
• Fish King - Nice, mild taste of tea, quite refreshing
• Special - Alright, not novel as its Jersey and I've tasted it before
• Jimmys - Bananas, not a bad pint
• Best - A bit like blackcurrents strained through a welly
• Toad - Smells heavier, tastes lighter
• Cart Blanche - Full, heavy, fruity, like
• Hebdens Wheat - Very good for a wheat beer but I don't like wheat beers
• Bite IPA - Hoppy
• JHB - Tastes like bigfoots armpit
• Pale Moonlight - Too complicated, too many flavours with a sharp aftertaste
• East Street Cream - Dark chocolate tasting, malty flavours, a good one
• Best Bitter - Full house on the Ringwoods, colder than the others but good VFM
• Boondoggle - Ringwood don't make a bad beer, fact! Lighter than the others in the range but still great
• Fourtyniner - Smooth, malty, and hoppy, great, smelly like eggy farts but it just needs time to settle, a real belter but when do Ringwood dissapoint? Fantastic
• Huffkin - Up there with Old Speckled Hen, could kick ass over its rivals easy
• Old Thumper - An old friend, welcome back, strong, fruity, and chewey, ale as it should be, more please. A+
• Dizzy Blonde - Watery lemon tea, poor show
• Special - Light, inoffensive, alright really
• Lemon Dream - Smells like a urinal cake, lemony and medicinal. Could be a grower if I could be arsed to persevere with it
• Blonde - Smelt of bacon but good in a strange way
• Cascade Pale Ale - Cloudy, light, and rather reasonable, I like
• Betty Stogs - Smells funny, is kind of okay, B
• XSB - To quote Dave "a wise choice my friend" and it is, malty, fruity, good stuff
• Carousel - Lemony, light, and Becksy
• Old Mortality - Fruit, malt, quite good, very dark
• Cellar Vee - Its a good 'un, inoffensive
• Iceberg - Tastes like lettuce , ironic really
• Black Ice - Dark, smells of jam, tastes of corriander
• White Boar - Fizzy, interesting light flavours
• Grasshopper - A bit smokey, not pale ale but nice
• Summer Perle - Tastes stale but is v good
• Piddle In The Wind - Smells and tastes of cheese, piddle is piddle according to Steph. Should Steph be allowed to comment in my beer book?

And there you go, thats the beers covered, when I have more time I'll publish my thoughts on the ciders and continental lagers ...