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    • 03  back porch reading when the sun decides to rest, cool breeze kisses, hair still wet from a shower.
    • 01  reminder to be gentle with myself when mindful habits don't always stick as we'd like them to, or when two months pass as if a breath.


    • 01   i am trying to relearn patience and kindness with moving my body — in ways that feel good for it, nourishing it rather than disciplining it. rather than setting strict guidelines or holding myself to a number or idea, i'm hoping only for this: that i develop a practice, a habit of movement; ridding of the regret, then, of staying too still.
    • 02   is there a recommendation, a guideline for how much time we should spend in the real world? i've so readily slipped into fictive lives as of late, i can't be sure if it's merely an old, familiar comfort that's all too easy to don or it's some means of escapism — if i'm using it to feel or to not feel. all i know is if one world should be truer, i'd rather pick the one with less brambles.
    • 03   i'm not convinced i belong entirely to myself.


    • 01   the expectation of inspiration at the start of the new year isn't something i fit into any longer. instead, i'm allowing myself to treat the day as if any other monday, to be just as gentle, just as thoughtful, and honor that the changes we can make to better ourselves come with small acts, repeated time and time again.
    • 02   tiredness takes on a new form. struggling with consecutive days wherein i can't simply sink into myself and my own solitude; some residual guilt and feelings of selfishness for that. my energy has always been such a fickle thing that i can never give freely.  
    • 03   i feel as though i'm in a strange in between, in this life. not quite sure where i am, where i'm headed, or who might be there alongside me — perhaps most notably, who might not. oscillating between the crippling fear of this, and hopeful at the utter openness of it.  
    • 04   how quickly i attach myself to things, an otherness that feels warm to the heart. all of this time i've spent working on myself, the practice of being alone, and my mind + soul are still too-eager to unfurl at the slightest bit of attention. much as i have come to terms with spending this life alone, i'm reminded often (instinctively, without control) of how we aren't meant to.
jan 1 2024 ∞
jun 22 2024 +