december 17

• today i wore a new outfit i got for $2 at gabe's inventory blowout sale. i felt so corporate and professional. when i came into the office, there was a snow white hoodie on my chair and it was so cute! raine left it for me - the whole office calls me snow white and it's just the sweetest thing. i travelled with jdpr to the meyers center for special children and volunteered and have been feeling so emotional ever since. i had a little under an hour before joining the world of concrete call for little giant ladders, then i went for a quick lunch at the fresh market (i got spicy salmon sushi and a hot pumpkin spice coffee)! tonight i picked up a rug i won for $11 and some floor cushions, and then i had chick fil a with dad. he gave me some artwork to write 'direction is more important than distance gained' on, and i told him about a frustrating conversation with my brother who said i was lucky to graduate college. dad said 'what luck??' and i sobbed. and then aj and i spoke on the phone, and even though he was hurt, he did listen and he is trying, i think. we are going to talk again tomorrow.

december 19

• i was getting a little frustrated following a call with mom, which makes me feel so guilty since her memory loss is so severe. i was telling maureen that mom was complaining about being at home alone and not seeing anyone all day, and that 'everyone is too busy for her.' knowing the toll it has had on gigi and greg (and knowing how hard it was for me), i said 'you mean 'too busy' as in they are working their 9-5s trying to sustain themselves and to have enough to take care of you? to support you??' and told mau how grumpy i was that mom couldn't see how much they are sacrificing to let her live as independently as she can in her condition. and mau said 'you know. that's probably what winnie is thinking when you're away at work all day, too.' and for some reason, that really changed my outlook on the whole thing. i love her perspective and that shift isn't horribly impossible to make.