- summer 2024 with mau. we went to the beach on sullivan’s island and stopped to get pub subs and snacks before. we ate them and had such full bellies and laid in the sun for hours and definitely turned a little pink from all of the hear. we went to the ocean to cool off and LOTS of fishies were biting both of us directly in the ass; nowhere else. one of my happiest moments in life i think; we were laughing so hard we could not catch our breath. also trying nasty aperol spritzes at the five loaves cafe together which bleh! but it was fine and we took cute pictures together and could not stop laughing yet again. just happy times - i know we did more than this together on that visit but i only remember the laughter and feeling so, so happy with her
- fall 2018. i have a longer note on this in my phone because it is how i will start the book, if i ever try to write it again. this is about the man who cut my hair in the great clips after i tried to take my life. i was so nasty - my hair was matted, i did not shower, i told him he could cut it all, but he took the time to comb through and wash it and really take care of me without saying a word. to experience such kindness from a stranger during a time like that is unreal - he was an earth angel i am convinced.
- april 2024. first date with aj (and first since before 2021 i think?? truly cannot remember my last proper first date). my nerves were so bad, i drank a glass of wine by myself and aj came to drink with me - i was shaking so bad. i kept asking when we needed to leave since he made reservations and he kept calmly saying we could leave when we wanted. he booked three reservations and didn’t tell me about it until many dates later. when we got back to the apartment, we talked and cuddled for hours and my favorite part was hearing how he would describe the color yellow to a blind person. he gave the nose genuine, thought-out answer on the spot, not just some bullshit “it feels like the sun” sort of thing - i would butcher it if i tried to recreate. i think i knew then that this would be something important
- summer 2018. in a situationship with a nurse from MUSC. we were exclusive without the label. we were up late one night giggling until almost 12 and i mentioned i had never had blueberry pancakes. he walked us to ihop and we had blueberry pancakes and decaf coffee. he was the first person i told about being raped besides a doctor, and he didn't judge. he held me while i sobbed. any time he'd go to work, he told me to sleep in and he'd always wrap me in a bathrobe after doing it. i could not have seen a life with him but it was so nice to feel cared for when i was mentally so unwell.
aug 11 2024 ∞
dec 10 2024 +