T1

• I just hate how easy how everyone makes it seems to be. Yes, I am a selfish, disrespectful and ungrateful self-righteous bitch who sabotages her life by procrastinating on her work and cutting herself. I hate how I know I'm in the obvious wrong yet I still can't seem to do anything about it - maybe focus on work for a change instead of typing on this stupid typography list. I have two essays and a shit ton of Economics, a Chinese recording, and a pw WS to fill out. I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm tired of being such a fool who chooses to stay a fool. I'm only a kid and I'm already tired of the future I foresee for myself
• what the actual fuck. how am I going to survive school with this horrible mindset that I can totally change, I just don't know if I'm not capable of doing that because I'm genuinely too mentally deranged and fatigued to do that (stupid thought, cuz i have all the time in the world, just watched two seasons of stupid sheldon in one day) or I'm just too pathetic and lazy and stupid to not change my life around
• Lalalalalalala I hate people so much. This is where I self proclaim myself to be a lesbian because trying to develop a straight relationship in school is so fucking hard without paparazzi around us all the fucking time.
• Not being able to turn to self harm now. Especially cutting - I've seriously got too many scars on me to actually get properly started again - and I know it'll never ultimately help me. That's a scary thought, because how will I manage my feelings now? What if it get's out of hand? How can I calm myself down?? These past two days have been fine so far... I don't know if it's because of mind fog or if I'm just distracted...
• chinese. chinese. I feel like fucking flinging myself off the fucking building
• I'm fucking hungry but fries and wings take so long to cook and I'm not even sure if I'm REALLY hungry or not. I hate these kind of hunger urges. I feel full but I'm still craving food
• Ah yes. This. IT's so fucking easy to complain when I could've used this time to study. But I can't. But can I?