reading

• the price of salt aka carol - patricia highsmith (1952)

watching (tv)

• brooklyn nine-nine

listening to

• honne & izzy bizu - someone that loves you
• mcfly - all about you
• honne - warm on a cold night (album)
• ramones - baby i love you
• hannah diamond - pink and blue
• babes in toyland - bruise violet
• the underdog project - saturday night
• charli xcx - after the afterparty ft. lil yatchy
• riz mc - englistan
• kali uchis - loner
• warpaint - stars

favorite movies of the month

• this is spinal tap (1984)
• frances ha (2012)
• lion (2016)
• star wars: episode iv - a new hope (1977)
• star wars: episode v - the empire strikes back (1980)
• badlands (1973)

occured

• things with mom are ok again
• had dinner with paulo
• went to a bar called o leite (!) with paulo and his hot brazilian friend, who said he really liked my style
• ate pizza at 1am. i'll never forget this particular pizza
• 2 guys at the pizza place joked around with me, one of them said i look japanese (?!) and that he really liked my style (x2)
• went for a walk with zoey and that guy who works for my father kept following me around and eventually asked for my number (which i declined) and a hug the dude actually did THAT
• i must add he said "you're gorgeous" and "i really like your style"(x3) i love 2016's season finale
• i attracted água de rosas into my life this won't make sense to anyone but me don't try to understand this
• went to my grandma's house by myself whoawhoaaoo!!!! who am i!!!!! it was really fun too
• paulo invited me to go out on friday with him and HIS BOYFRIEND i'm so disappointed he couldn't open up about his sexuality face to face and had to do it via text but well i understand it
• pretty sure my mom is dealing with bipolar disorder
• watched lion (WATCH LION) which reminded me that indian people are beautiful and fascinating
• i'm becoming powerful
• miguel sent me a really sweet message begging for us to become best friends again
• i cancelled with paulo to go to the mall with my mom but now it's 3am and i'm in my room wondering if the things i do for her are worth it
• i have a cold and i'm dying
• turns out it wasn't a cold it was just allergies
• man my life is getting boring
• WATCHED ROGUE ONE!!!!!!!!!!!! it was like michael bay in space and definitely didn't feel like the star wars i know and love + didn't care much about the characters but oh man. the throwbacks. i cried at those 2 seconds of **** + **
• spent the whole night + morning watching star wars and. yes. this is my favorite thing in the world
• my mom drove me to college to pick up some documents and then we went to the mall and i can't believe she is the person i wanted to be when i was younger
• miguel sent me one last desperate call for attention and i told him to fuck off which made me suffocate with tears bc i'm not sure this cold hearted person is who i want to be
• i think about suicide all the time
• watched rogue one again!!!! going to the movies alone is healing
• i LOVE having dinner at that one restaurant
• went to the movies with luís... yes, the 2 of us alone, cuz inês and leonor ditched us
• it went cool i guess
• met my mom's new boyfriend and he's just as awkward as her previous boyfriend, guess it's her type
• beatrix!!! ahhhhh
• i'm growing so cold... when 2016 started i thought this would be the year of love and light and LOOK what happened
• went to college for the second time this month zzzz saw pedro's father zzzz had a delicious vanilla cappuccino, so good i felt the need to write this down
• had an appointment with my therapist and i think he might have sexually assaulted me
• woke up EARLY and had LUNCH at a restaurant!!! LUNCH!!! LOOK AT ME!!!
• mom told me i was stunning and it made my night and the whole fucking year probably
• carrie fisher :'(
• lamest christmas eve ever?
• it's christmas and i feel absolutely nothing. i'm an adult!
• had dinner at an indian restaurant and fell in love with all 5 waiters
• no seriously i went to lisbon for a while and now i'm home and i still feel high on love
• everyone seems to love me today. INCLUDING HELDER!!!!
• carrie fisher died and i'm heartbroken
• pretty sure i have bpd
• met beatrix irl and man is she a bore

quotes

• "my parents always told me that if you want something, you can do whatever you have to do to get it. as long as it's not against someone else" - marion cotillard
• x
• "you’re an interesting species. an interesting mix. you’re capable of such beautiful dreams, and such horrible nightmares. you feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you’re not. see, in all our searching, the only thing we’ve found that makes the emptiness bearable, is each other" - carl sagan
• "if you believe in yourself and feel confident in yourself, you can do anything. i really believe that." - karlie kloss (eye-rolling advice coming from someone who's so pretty life could never be mean to her, but sure)
• "i am not attracted to book smart. i could care less about your college degree. i am attracted to raw intelligence. anyone can sit behind a desk. i want to know what you know beyond the realm of our society. and only living and seeking can give you that intelligence. we’ve got time. let’s sit on the rooftop at 2am and introduce me to your mind."
• "there is only one thing: is to begin to speak yourself, your own way. you have to say 'i am against it,' 'i am for it', because if you say nothing, your silence is used by the one you are for or against." - simone de beauvoir
• "TRUST YOUR FEELINGS" - obi wan
• everything yoda said during luke's training in the empire strikes back
• "stay afraid, but do it anyway. what’s important is the action. you don’t have to wait to be confident. just do it and eventually the confidence will follow." - carrie fisher
• "you don’t have to like doing a lot of what you do, you just have to do it. you can let it all fall down and feel defeated and hopeless and that you’re done. but you reached out to me – that took courage. now build on that. move through those feelings and meet me on the other side. as your bipolar sister, i’ll be watching. now get out there and show me and you what you can do." - carrie fisher
• "i want to be pretty. but even more than that, i don't want to want to be pretty"
• x
• "she told me to be true, and kind, and confident in yourself. she raised me to not think of men and women as different. she raised me without gender. it’s kind of the reason she named me billie. it’s not about being a strong woman - it’s about being a strong person. she once told me, i never sat you down with a credo. it was more about leading by example." - billie lourd
• x

crushes

• alicia vikander
• beatrix
• andy samberg
• emanuel
• dev patel
• riz ahmed
• diego luna
• helder