reading

• charlotte perkins gilman - herland (1915)
• chimamanda ngozi adichie - americanah (2013)
• simone de beauvoir - le deuxième sexe (1949)
• elliot rodger manifesto: my twisted world

watching (tv)

• brooklyn nine-nine

listening to

• generationals - put a light on
• tame impala - the less i know the better
• betsy - lost and found
• mabel - thinking of you
• sing street - drive it like you stole it
• goblins - suspiria theme
• allie x - bitch
• buttress - brutus
• molly nilsson - hey moon!
• tyler the creator - cherry bomb
• wolf alice - heavenly creatures

favorite movies of the month

• split (2016)
• lady snowblood (1974)
• sing street (2016)
• suspiria (1977)
• picnic at hanging rock (1975)
• natural born killers (1994)
• sunny (2011)
• beauty and the beast (2017)
• stoker (2013)
• carrie pilby (2016)
• chungking express (1994)

occured

• on the 1st, i had lunch with my dad and his sister. so weird to think of her as my aunt cuz i didn't even remember her face, but i surprisingly had the best time ever and loved loved loved her. i couldn't help but feel a lil bit blue afterwards cuz god i wish i had a family. a true family
• went to the grocery store with my mom and saw LUCAS :OOO i met him a year ago this month so HAPPY ANNIVERSARY?? god he was looking so hot tho, really had that millennial gangster vibe going on, i totez dug it
• my good dudes, REJOICE! it truly is a miracle that i'm still alive. smoked a blunt last night and started to feel a bit weird a few mins later, like i had the weight of the world on my shoulders. my head felt super dizzy, spinning like crazy whenever i closed my eyes. then i got super hungry and super sleepy at the same time.. what shall i do first? millennial sophie's choice.. but decided alright i'm gonna get my stoned ass up and eat something and THEN go to sleep but as soon as i put food in my mouth i had to vomit and basically spent the entire night with my head in the toilet. NOT COOL #LegalizeIt? more like #BanIt
• finished the first chapter of my book <3
• watched suspiria with my dad. i love him so much and i'm so worried he might be sick. please, i just want him to be safe.
• i arrived home and my dad was lying on my bed, blacked out drunk, and leia was nowhere to be seen. i really thought i had lost her but turns out she was at his place, safe and sound. he had no memory of placing her there.
• got naked, made tea and laid on the floor listening to ultraviolence and smoking weed. honestly? the closest i'll ever get to a religious experience
• my mom went to spain with her bf for a few days and man does she not miss me!
• inês initiated a conversation for the first time in ages and she was so sweet and loving i couldn't help but feel terrible for thinking she's not a true friend whenever we become distant. god, bitch, you're a fucking adult. SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO REASSURE YOU THEY LOVE YOU EVERY SINGLE DAY AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN LOVING OR HATING HER. NEUTRALITY, BITCH
• quick updates: joão definitely digs me but makes out with other girls, which i'm totez fine with; filipe sees me as his best friend and that kinda freaks me out; i think about pedro all the time
• my friends i am 100% dying. why does weed despise me this much
• funny that ^ was my last update cuz after a long absence i decided to visit listography.com.... on 4/20
• i didn't smoke weed today tho. NOT COOL. i know i pretty much die every time i smoke weed but listen - last time i smoked i straight up died and was reborn as someone else. i'm a fucking phoenix, reborn from the ashes of marijuana.
• i feel so goooood! so fine! i'm full of positivity and looking forward to the great things life will bring me :)
• ps - weed i love you but leaving social media (twitter

+ facebook) definitely had something to do with it

• movie session + weed <3
• mourisca
• it's been a while since i updated this, but what happened today (the 27th) is all you need to know. not that anyone reads this. but still. i've got a headache that could split my head in two, maybe because i've been crying for hours or maybe because my body is trying to kill itself
• woke up late and decided to take the train to lisbon after my plans got cancelled. what were these plans, you ask? having dinner with my mom and her boyfriend. got i wish that was the end of the story
• her boyfriend called me soon after i caught the train and asked me to have dinner WITH HIM.... JUST US TWO... ALONE
• naturally i told my mom about this and she was extremely upset. i visited some book stores and all was going relatively well - i mean, i was sure he was just trying to be nice, in a very awkward way, so i tried my best to enjoy the day
• i don't know what he told her but the next time she called me her attitude was completely different. she accused me of trying to seduce her boyfriend, while making sure i knew she could never be jealous of someone like me. she said that was the last time we'd speak and she'd never send me money again. i was on my own, she said, but she was kind enough to give me one last piece of advice! "why don't you date him and steal his money?"
• if you had told me i'd lose my mother i wouldn't be surprised, but i never thought this would be the way. i am so shocked and deeply saddened that she would think i'd ever do this to her. but, apparently, hurting me doesn't bother her. she admitted it - she doesn't love me. her boyfriend (ex?) said it. she said it herself. it's official, y'all
• I AM SO PATHETIC... HOW I MANAGE TO HAVE THE STRENGTH TO TURN ON MY LAPTOP AND UPDATE THIS SECTION NEVER CEASES TO AMAZE ME CUZ ALL IT DOES IS MAKE ME REALIZE HOW EMBARRASSING MY LIFE IS. WHY DO I VOLUNTARILY SHARE IT ON THE INTERNET? EVEN I THE SCIENTIST DON'T KNOW..
• had dinner with my dad and then felt lonely as shit so decided to hit up 100 people, one of them being pedro. breaking news: HE HATES ME! is there anyone on earth who doesn't feel negatively towards me? hmu hmu!
• i'm so heartbroken. we met 5 years ago and i still think about him on a daily basis. i fucking need to be exorcized
• catastrophic almost-dinner......
• WHOA!
• mom and i made up i guess
• april is ending and life is beginning

quotes

• "do you really believe … that everything historians tell us about men – or about women – is actually true? you ought to consider the fact that these histories have been written by men, who never tell the truth except by accident." - moderata fonte, pseudonym of modesta pozzo
• "always do what you are afraid to do." - ralph waldo emerson (REMEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!)
• "finish each day and be done with it. you have done what you could. some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. tomorrow is a new day. you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." - ralph waldo emerson
• "go into the arts. i’m not kidding. the arts are not a way to make a living. they are a very human way of making life more bearable. practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven’s sake. sing in the shower. dance to the radio. tell stories. write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. do it as well as you possibly can. you will get an enormous reward. you will have created something." - kurt vonnegut

crushes

• lucas :(
• white tea (don't make fun of me, this is a legitimate crush. don't laugh until you've tasted this sweet nectar made by the ancient gods)
• tyler the creator
• oscar isaac