reading

• esther de lemos - rapariga (yes i've been reading the same book for ages!!! my adhd is getting worse and i can't focus on anything for longer than 2 secs)
• william trevor - love and summer

watching (tv)

• brooklyn nine-nine

listening to

• the lonely island - karate guy
• frank ocean - thinking bout you
• tyler the creator - who dat boy
• tyler the creator - see you again
• mitski - townie
• lorde - the louvre (i feel like i'm in love when i listen to this song despite being unable to love. ART!!!)
• lorde - supercut
• tyler the creator - jamba

favorite movies of the month

• all about eve (1950)
• baby driver (2017)
• atomic blonde (2017)

plans

• apply to That Thing
• apply to That Other Thing
• keep whitening my teeth
• start getting my body hair removed w/ laser
• write at least 2 more chapters of my book (0/2)
• kiss a boy
• kiss a girl
• get my braces tightened
• go on a date
• go to a party
• go to a house party

occured

• o boi! what a bumpy start to the last month of Official Summer! i've been feeling sad and insecure (AGAIN) but at least i feel healthy again (my stomach does, at least)
• went to the movies on my own and watched baby driver <3 my boy edgar wright can't do no wrong.. love u
• also it felt pretty good to be by myself. better than it should've
• i had been talking to this dude on facebook for a while. he didn't know what i looked like and i didn't know much about him either, other than he was a pretentious poet/mansplainer i had no attraction to whatsoever! HOWEVER paulo was broke and i needed someone who could afford spending €6 and go to metropolis with me, so i scheduled a "date" with him
• when i arrived at rossio he was there with his much better looking friend and they both recognized me. TURNS OUT vasco was the creep that tried to initiate a convo with me the 1st time i went to metropolis.... YIKES small world
• he + his friend took me to some weird artsy club and lemme tell you it was literal hell. it was literal hell and i had to pay €4 to get in. unbearably small + hot rooms filled with candles and red lights plus a tv playing a homemade film ("it's meant to be that hot bc everything in that room is supposed to be dante's inferno", later explained some art hoe type of chick), a disco that only played minimalist techno while displaying the movie antichrist on mute... you get the idea right? i felt so out of my element
• smoked some hash while waiting for paulo. he told me he still couldn't go to metropolis but he wanted to be with me for a while and maybe have some drinks @ tacão. we eventually left the Artsy House and started making out way to bairro alto. vasco and his friend said they'd go somewhere else and (OVERWHELMED WITH RELIEF) i said ya sure no probs! byebye! as paulo and i were ON THE GO, vasco suddenly grabbed my arm and said "what's your deal?" ????? "i see you texting all these people and smiling at your phone and saying something about being excited to see the barman from metropolis" uhhh is there a problem? "if you're with me you're with me and nobody else" MY DUDE WE JUST MET... AND EVEN IF WE HAD MET YEARS AGO WE HAVE NO COMMITMENT WHATSOEVER AND I'M FREE TO DO WHATEVER I PLEASE WHAT THE FUCK? but i still needed someone to go to the club with me so i just cooled it down and said i'd like for him to stay
• so these three kids, carolina, vasco and paulo, making our way to a gay bar! the gay bar was the best part of the night lemme tell you, gay men are the chillest people ever and they rock to the coolest music ever
• it was 2am tho so we said goodbye to paulo and got in a taxi. rich people are coconuts but i only paid half so daz cool....
• leonor and luís were there and they were super excited to see me as usual!!! not sure if they're super fake or actually like me (betting on #1). they said they had bought something for me and handed me a keychain that read "daddy's lil monster" PRETTY COOL THAT PEOPLE KEEP ASSOCIATING ME WITH HARLEY QUINN BUT I GUESS WHAT THEY'RE TRYING TO SAY IS I'M DIZZY AND ALOOF
• vasco made me go outside so we could chat for a while.. :'( THEY EVEN PLAYED TAKE ON ME WHILE WE WERE OUT THERE :'( he said he wanted to get to know me and duh! of course, he asked me for a kiss. i said my dude not gonna happen and explained some of the things going on with me (the not having sex thing, some of my emotional issues) which ended up backfiring. apparently he's a john green type of dude who thinks he can "fix me" or "save me"
• he spent all night kissing me and holding me and making a fucking scene every time the barman dude and i flirted like crazy. a few things that happened that night between me + barman dude: 1. he said i was gorgeous 2. he licked my hand?!?!?!?!? 3. i can't get over the fact he said i was gorgeous
• i could've sworn we had been there for less than 2 hours but suddenly it was almost 6am and the club was about to close. i told vasco i wanted to say goodbye to the barman and he gave me 30 minutes.... "one more minute and i'll leave without you" GOODBYE!!! i stayed there while the staff people were cleaning up the place, playing songs on the dj table with ricky (that's the barman's name, give him a break) while getting over 40 texts and 20 unanswered calls from vasco
• "how dare you?" "i feel like killing myself" "i even had to call my ex-girlfriend, that's how suicidal i am" my dude, fucking chill,
• ricky told me all about his extreme right-wing views on politics and even told me he's fascinated with nazis :( i must admit his hotness levels dropped but he was still so handsome jesus christ.. we might have kissed
• he has a girlfriend but still took me out for breakfast. he said we were very similar people (ugh) and he wanted to get to know me better (? BUT) and that i was "so fucking sexy, like harley quinn" hmmm...... i'm not even fucking blonde why do people say this shit? it's definitely the silly persona
• SO YEA HE BOUGHT ME BREAKFAST AT MCDONALDS :---)))) and then he took me to the train station. i was a happy girl that morning. even tho he's a fucking nazi
• i've been chatting a lot with both vasco and ricky. i think i put vasco in his place and he probably thinks the worst of me now. they all do eventually. he was getting really clingy and annoying and i absolutely HATE being this frank but he disgusts me SO WHAT CHOICE DID I HAVE???
• ricky on the other hand has been flirting like crazy and even straight up asked me if i owned a vibrator (???? smh these fascists are nuts) he offered to teach me to dance kizomba and when i asked if his girlfriend would mind he got really upset and told me that kind of conversation would just push him away. don't worry i'm already planning my revenge NO PLACE FOR FUCKBOYS IN THIS HOUSE
• he said i reminded him of selena kyle, whom i googled and learned is the real identity of catwoman so YAY!!! i own dc comics
• LONG TIME NO UPDATE!!! i've been super busy this week. spent it working with my dad on the castello lopes warehouse from 9 to 6
• it was easier and more exciting than i expected but every part of my body feels sore.. it's saturday and i don't think i'm going out tonight. time to get some well deserved rest
• kyle truly is my ross geller.... we've been on and off since 2013 and right now WE'RE ON AS FUCK!!!! platonically, of course. duh
• i'm freaking the fuck out cuz i was accepted into that valencia project. i don't think i even mentioned it here but i applied for a volunteering project in SPAIN, starting in SEPTEMBER, hoping i wouldn't be accepted BUT apparently they loved this bitch! now i'm not sure if i should actually go or nah - it's a once in a lifetime opportunity and i've been dying to leave portugal but... what about my parents? my grandma? my house? my pets? i can't believe i'm adding this but - PEDRO???
• so i'm not going LOLZ ;p moving on!
• i think kyle might like like like like me
• ricardo
• met up with leonor on friday! i had a beer and a pastel de nata and when the waiter asked if we wanted anything else i said "i could have another beer, but only if i get it for free" and THIS BITCH!!!! FUCKING GAVE ME A BEER AND SOME APPETIZERS I WAS INSTANTLY IN LOVE AND FANTASIZING OUR FUTURE LIFE TOGETHER
• LEO WENT BACK THERE YESTERDAY AND GAVE HIM MY SOCIAL MEDIA NAME (ZOHEN LUX) SHE SAID HE SEEMED VERY INTERESTED IN ME AND LATER THAT DAY HE FOLLOWED ME ON INSTAGRAM BUT I THINK I FUCKED SOMETHING UP BC HE DIDN'T ACCEPT MY REQUEST ANYWAYS HERE I AM THINKING ABOUT BOYS.......
• i promise i'm eloquent when writing poetry
• i am sort of hmmmm DUMB
• That Thing is done :-)
• i've been feeling very very happy

quotes

• "bill sampson: 'have you no human consideration?' margo channing: 'show me a human, and i might have!'"
• "if nothing else, there's applause" - eve harrington
• "number 33 tells us that ‘all things are possible’"

crushes

• conor mcgregor
• jon hamm
• CALVIN HARRIS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
• rúben