reading

• i can't read anymore bc of my add someone end my misery
• edna o'brien - the country girls (!!!!)

watching (tv)

• brooklyn nine-nine
• black mirror

listening to

• zayn, taylor swift - i don't wanna live forever
• g-eazy - some kind of drug (ft. marc e. bassy)
• that poppy - money
• g-eazy - tumblr girls (ft. christoph andersson)
• the soft moon - far
• izzy bizu - white tiger
• grimes - venus fly (ft. janelle monáe)
• tyler the creator - IFHY (ft. pharrell)
• kid bloom - i kissed a girl and she kissed me
• pink floyd - shine on you crazy diamond

favorite movies of the month

• mais ne nous délivrez pas du mal (1971)
• homo sapiens (2016)
• le squellette joyeux (1897)
• rebel without a cause (1955)
• it's a girl! (2012) VERY HARD TO WATCH BUT PLEASE DO
• some like it hot (1959)
• singin' in the rain (1952)
• 20th century women (2016)
• fences (2016)
• the apartment (1961)
• safety last! (1923)

occured

• felt sick again dunno why
• thursdays are always fun
• i think he might have a girlfriend (or at least a romantic interest that totally goes both ways) and i'm heartbroken
• went to the movies
• AHHH! AWKWARD!!!!
• mom doesn't seem to have time for me anymore
• pretty sure my "secret admirer" is ricardo. YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE MORE THAN ONE ADMIRER? GUESS WHAT BITCH!
• dad was drunk today and got mad at me for no reason, really. i cried while hugging the cats
• attracted soft moon into my life
• spent all night and the following day working on my dad's project
• we had a messy fight but we're cool now
• he said i wrote beautifully
• i've been so unproductive and useless lately.. THIS CHANGES TOMORROW. I PROMISE YOU THIS
• nvm
• i still woke up early and got some things done tho
• i found leia's sister on facebook
• some spooky coincidence happened and i decided i'm gonna dedicate my book to james dean
• THURSDAY!!!
• had a really fun time with both mom and dad (in different occasions, obviously)
• i really feel like i have a home
• VENUS FLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• LEIA :O
• THESE ARE GETTING CRYPTIC FUCK
• this gave me motivation to go out and live my motherfucking life
• actually,
• i haven't updated this in a few days but i've been feeling very lonely and kinda sick again
• in an unexpected turn of events, my mom gave me a blunt
• i smoked at night while listening to g-eazy and surprisingly didn't feel anything. proof that i'm dead?
• went shopping with my mom and i think i don't love her like i used to. she got engaged and only told me when she looked down at her hand and gasped "oh i forgot, isn't it beautiful? and so expensive!" she's no longer the person i loved and admired the most and she makes it clear she doesn't love me either
• got home and my dad was in a terrible mood, yelling at zoey and cursing so loud everyone could hear him
• i got home and felt so sad. again. this haunts me, i think. maybe the only way of setting myself free is accepting everything i once had in my life is gone
• i feel bad saying this cuz my dad loves me more than ever and we're closer than we've been in 15 years but everyone says he looks sick and i'm scared something might happen to him
• had the best night ever on my own and i keep thinking about how different i feel when i'm with people. maybe i'm just not meant to be a people person
• :(
• zohenkills
• grandma
• MAN IT'S ALMOST MY BIRTHDAY AND I'VE NEVER FELT SO DEPRESSED
• it's my birthday and i feel depressed
• ACTUALLY!!!
• ok the first time of the day was like a scene from a sad indie film you know? i tried to get myself to leave the bed and start the day but i couldn't stop crying. i took a shower while crying. ate cookies while crying. got dressed wh
• but as soon as we got to the indian restaurant everything felt better and my nausea disappeared too i love india and indians
• i got a new blunt and i'm smoking it at home, feeling totally fine (emotionally & physically) for the first time in maybe almost a month. i'm so thankful to be starting my 21s this way
• also i can't believe the amount of attention i got on my birthday (even if he didn't say a word)
• humor is the best i recommend brooklyn nine nine and this
• turmalina negra
• i have decided to become the most powerful being on earth. follow me for updates
• ginger and honey
• my "cancer" concerns were actually caused by olanzapine withdrawal THIS DRUG IS THE WORSTTT THE WORSSSTT I'M TELLING YOU
• nausea is gone since i started taking olanzapine regularly again so i guess that was it... i do however have the worst headaches
• specially after i started wearing glasses 2 days ago, that's right this bitch looks like an Intellectual now....
• i don't have to wear them everyday for the rest of my life but i 100% should these first few days, just to get used to it. it's being awful my head is exploding
• also pedro officially has a new girlfriend and i'm so ok with it. i don't even know myself anymore. one minute i'm weeping, smothered with nostalgia and SAUDADE, the other i'm the embodiment of charli xcx's album sucker
• wait for summertime
• I LOVE THE OSCARS.. I LOVE HOLLYWOOD.... KILL ME AND SPREAD MY ASHES ALL OVER LA OR DEV PATEL'S FOOD
• that was nice i might tweet that
• had a very productive day! did my own laundry at a self-service laundry thingy, saw a music show near my house and yea.. that's it. still, very eventful

quotes

• x
• i relate to empty jars of honey. i run my fingers along their insides, tasting the remnants of something sweet." - zoë lianne
• "god, i felt sick, or started to; life is so only-once, so single-chancish!" - sylvia plath
• "power is being told you're not loved and not being destroyed by it." - madonna
• "if i'd understood back then that a guy could be in love with another one, it would have happened. but i didn't come to that realization for a few more years and then it was too late for jimmy and me." - sal mineo (</3333)
• x
• "i want to be a big star more than anything. it's something precious." - marilyn monroe
• "i used to think as i looked at the hollywood night, "there must be thousands of girls sitting alone like me, dreaming of becoming a movie star. but i'm not going to worry about them. i'm dreaming the hardest." - marilyn monroe

crushes

• domhnall gleeson
• i love domhnall gleeson
• daniel kaluuya
• toby kebbell
• sal mineo
• james dean
• andy samberg
• dev patel
• jack lemmon