reading

• jack kerouac - on the road

watching (cinema)

• the force awakens (2015)
• the star wars holiday special (1978)
• the disaster artist (2017)
• i, tonya (2017)
• gentlemen prefer blondes (1952)
• call me by your name (2017)
• the last jedi (2017)
• call me by your name (2017)

watching (tv)

• friends
• brooklyn nine nine

listening to

• new radicals - you get what you give
• rina sawayama - alterlife
• youth lagoon - 17
• jorja smith - carry me home (interlude)
• vivian girls - take it as it comes
• girli - mr 10pm bedtime
• new politics - madeleine
• habibi - siin
• mallu magalhães - sambinha bom
• kendrick lamar - humble

occured

• free concerts, fireworks, dad
• inês is heartbroken bc her boyfriend left her (SURPRISE! that boy gay, she doesn't know it yet tho) and i'm trying to make her feel better. i think she's one of the few people i truly care about
• also talking to miguel and the convo just flows so nice & sweetly :) i like this year so far. we're 5 hours in but STILL.
• so nausea has been worse and my plan A was killing myself! but then plan B came up and i went to my mom's house for the weekend. no nausea no anything
• i'm totally back on my gluten bullshit too, thank you gods of gluten for taking me back in your temple of love
• i'm home now and nausea is slowly coming back so.. wtf does this mean? can anyone please tell me? am i allergic to Home? Home Allergy
• i'm jk cuz this dump was never home anyways, can't wait to move out
• went to sleep before midnight for the first time in forever - BAD MOVE!!! i woke up around 4am to my oldest cat hissing and my face fckin RAINING blood
• he's always brought nothing but trouble but this is a whole new fucking level
• i'm at my grandma's with leia and tomorrow i'm going over to my mom's to spend the weekend. i don't wanna sound mystical BUT
• (i think) my house is haunted. probs thanks to my dad, who was definitely cursed when he left india
• miguel pereira rose from the dead and deadass sent me a message
• "i'm at my grandma's with leia and tomorrow i'm going over to my mom's to spend the weekend" GOD. simpler times. with simpler perspectives for the weekend
• INSTEAD, i ended up stabbing my stepfather on saturday. this is not a joke. i stabbed him. on the back. with the same knife we used to slice the three pizzas we ordered, my life is kind of a dark comedy
• he was FINE but i truly wish he had died. we shall not discuss this no mo
• i promise i am not insane.
• miguel pereira straight up loves me after all this time!
• james tho.....
• pedro deleted me on facebook and i'm surprisingly ok
• saw him walking down the street and it hit me hard in the moment but then i felt some sort of.. closure? i think i'll be ok
• SIKE!!! the next day someone hacked into my old facebook and he was the only one who knew my password so i became obsessed with the idea that maybe that was him. i think i floated the entire day. the floor was made of clouds wtf?
• i don't have any proof and i'm slowly giving up on that delusion but god. it felt so good while it lasted.
• i think i'm so dependent on him bc he's the only person i'd run away with. and running away is exactly what i need to do. but i'm too much of a coward to do it on my own
• so i've been WRITING and PRODUCING LITERARY CONTENT OF DUBIOUS QUALITY!!!!!!!!!! I'M BEING SORTA PRODUCTIVE!!!!!!!!!! WHAAAAA
• i do love him

quotes

• "i avoid looking down at my body, not so much because it’s shameful or immodest but because i don’t want to see it. i don’t want to look at something that determines me so completely." - margaret atwood
• "the belonging you seek is not behind you... it is ahead" - maz kanata (REMEMBER)
• "i dream so much and i live so little, that sometimes i am only three years old. but, the next day i am three hundred, if the dream has been sombre. isn’t it the same with you? doesn’t it seem at moments, that you are beginning life without even knowing what it is, and at other times don’t you feel over you the weight of several thousands centuries, of which you have a vague remembrance and a sorrowful impression?"

crushes

• adam fucking driver
• .......... james
• domhnall gleeson, my eternal crush
• fuck adam driver, i love him
• FUCK