(*sarcastic voice*) “Yeah, sometimes I go outside and I just bark at people.”

"Litty Titty"

“Plagiarism in heavy metal”

"This is war, and I didn't start it, but I will finish it."

"I forgot to remember the joke”

"This is it. I gave myself dyslexia."

“When I have money to buy my own clothes, I am gonna go around looking like a thot and my parents will disown me.”

(*looks at hand*) “I feel unstable.”

Teacher: "If you're done with your work, you can watch Planet Earth." Me: "What's that?"

"I stole your car and I crashed. Can you come over here?"

“Marijuana Pepsi”

“I have taught myself to unlearn the alphabet.”

(*cracks knuckle*) sounds fake but ok

(*looks at a picture of an apple*) “WHY CAN’T YOU BE JUUUICE?”

(*aggressively pokes friend*) "I didn't mean that!"

"I'll have you know I'm judging all your spelling mistakes...which I know is hypocritical since noting I can't speak English."

"No, where's my JUUUUUICE??!"

"Alright, you're gonna come to my house, and I'm gonna purposely die by mammoth."

"Is whispering negative sound?"

"Why, for a sticker that you're only gonna use ONCE?? ...angry."

"Big sad, cause I don't get tater tot."

"It gets worse every time I breathe."

“Upsetti spaghetti”

“That was a death glare if I’ve ever seen one.” Me: “Yeah, I get that a lot.”

“Is he smoking a french fry?”

"I'm magical and I don't want to be!"

“I accidentally just made a website.”

"I didn't know that Christians liked eating. Maybe I should join."

“Is murder legal? ...when it’s someone no one likes?”

"Just scream, and if anyone asks, you're stretching."

"If you do that, I'll break your hands...and then my own...and then I'll rip my heart out with my teeth!”

(*whispering*) “FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING-” (*sees a person* *abruptly stops talking and waves slowly*)

“YOU'RE CONFUSING goddamn fucking-” (*angrily eats cracker*)

“WHY HAVEN’T YOU TRIED THE SOUPS?!?! EAT THE FUCKING SOUPS MAN!!!.”

"Our budget cust-" (*gives up*)

"What did you do?" Me: "A lot of things"

“I love to download fungus.”

"how do you draw words?" Me: "BUBBLE LETTERS"

“I don’t know how to write a script, so I’m writing an essay instead.”

“I’m angry. I want an S-Class egg, but there’s no such thing.”