- bildungsroman.
- bɪldʊŋs.ʁoˌmaːn (n) - a coming-of-age story, in particular, a novel which focuses on the mental and moral growth of the protagonist from youth to adulthood.
- buoyed/ “we’re in the same boat." shaking precariously, every drop of sound falling from your lips is clinging to me, threatening to tip tip tip us all over, throw us all in. emerging from the sea of you, i’ll come up for air, but i can never really escape. coughing spluttering crawling out onto the only places you’re not. the shivers wracking my mind don’t subside. and i’m not very happy. she laughs he laughs they laugh at my misfortune, and i want to chuckle in response but i’m too wet to. i don’t find it funny, because as much as i hate being soaked in it, i want to dive back into you.
- what is there to give up on when i haven't taken a leap?
- "i don't want to grow up and have nothing to show for it. i don't want to be that adult that has an outfit planned for every day of the week. i don't want to be left behind by all the things i could have done but was too scared to. i want my days to be filled with spontaneity and magic and wonder and have at least five thousand good things to say about every single day for the rest of my life.."
- "i don't want to be locked away."
- that terror of one decision or another is sending a girl spiralling between those dimensions lived in all at once, two outcomes of saying something and one of staying silent. in that imaginary cloud of a dangling question, everything in the world freezes and nothing can ever be seen after that moment. the dark, looming monster of uncertainty rears its admittedly not unattractive head, its glossy fur all at once alarming and safe, secure as an electric blanket during the bone chilling winters. swathed in the warmth of never-did-i-dares and oh-it-could-have-beens, she stays. her uncovered eyes (how brown, how stubbed in lash) stare out of the pocket of the monster's coat and she stares and stares and longs but god knows he'll never see her sigh. (5.03)
- i keep thinking that it's time, that i've spent enough effort on everyone else and worrying about their happiness and that i've waited long enough. i keep thinking that there's a time for me to be happy and that it's coming, it's just around the corner, i can feel it, i'll just make this decision and then it'll be my tur- no. but it won't be and it hasn't and i have to assume these are independent events. but if they're not, the faux merriam-webster line for the law of large numbers means i'm truly due for some good luck. because god knows i've gotten the short end of the stick more often than not. (7.03)
- a game. no, not a game, the game. the game(s), plural, that you click twice, flick your finger over a screen and you wait with bated breath for them to respond because it means they're thinking of you. how trite, how trivial, how teenagery. but they're fun and smart, like you see them, and you like the waiting. no, you don't like the waiting as much as the brief rush you get once they answer, finally. (8.03)
- oh, god, i cannot tell you all the ways your roar makes me giggle. distracting, deafening, debilitating, destroying my stoicism and fighting my promise to myself to stay focussed until the very end. i had no will to ignore your voice, your eyes, you mind, no matter how irritating all else found them. four years. four years of seeing you work and grow and contribute (even when teachers and classmates didn't want you to); four years of ap classes and literature and familiarity in math; four years of wishing you would be the han solo to my leia.
- "you like me because i'm immature. there's not enough immaturity in your life." abed nadir to annie edison, community 2.24
- maybe that's true, maybe i do. but, hey, maybe you do, too. we're both too serious for our own good. i'm silly because i've had too many bad things in my life. you're silly because you want to be liked and known for what you like and what you're like. we'd be a good match, you and i.
- i just need to figure out how to ask you to prom. (14.03)
- "i decided love was essential. the problem was the timing. human beings hesitate." brave new world (sort of) (27.03)
mar 5 2012 ∞
may 14 2013 +