nine the magical vortex number, a nineteen year with diatoms sparkling in the ocean water, and freckles reflecting starlight. nineteen when my heart beat fast faster, and I feel in love with every place, rushing past fields while listening to the magnetic fields, drawing the people I meet and saying "that girl she may turn in any direction" nineteen years of images and feeling and falling up as I fall asleep every time I brushed my teeth this year I thought of you and how I brushed my teeth for a long time because I knew you were listening and I needed time to think my voice met his at the top of an atrium and we let the silence exist, because it was louder than our voices. nineteen and I still have no wrinkles, I am young young young and I don't trust myself to fall in love with any one. I got bruised on wood floors, I didn't understand my body, I pushed voices out of the bellows of accordian folds I broke five hearts and didn't say I was sorry, because that is how you truly hurt a person I swam in cold cold water and down into the intestines of a spring, saw the fallen trees covered in cold moss and surrounded by rocks smoothed by the constant rush of groundwater with my underwater eyes. I rode topless down a highway screaming war cries with my cronies, ate a peanut butter banana honey sandwich in the middle of the interstate at 3 am lit only by the moon and a bike light I found a sad haunted grand piano in a moldy house with broken windows and the smell of broken hearts Nineteen and we danced until we smelled like we had too many hormones and bacteria we danced like we were on the line between existence and transcendence, like we might never touch again and we might not nineteen and I saw my favorite souls take their suitcases to new places and met new faces nineteen and