I thought that if I found one healthy relationship, it would erase all of the abuse i endured in my past but that is false. I end up getting into similar patterns that I am actively seeking to get rid off. I help people at the expense of my own wellbeing and boundaries. I feel this person should be loyal to me if I've exerted this much energy. It comes not from a place of entitlment but of emotional labor pay-offs. I should never expect anything anymore. I will go on dates, casual flings where people don't know me but hopefully engaged enough to understand the world around them. I no longer need to find similar behaviroual characterstics as my father because I don't need his approval and validation anymore.