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so, you've seen me, forest, tweeting a lot about jojo's bizarre adventure and you've thought to yourself, what in the hell? what is this? he seems to be having a good time, though, so how do i get in on this? but you're too confused and/or nervous to try and it and every time you try to find links to watch or read you get like four different results so what!!! the hell!!!
well, never fear, because i, forest, am here to help. as someone who has been into jojo's bizarre adventure for a month, i'm pretty sure i'm an expert at jojos?? just saying.
well, okay, you might be thinking. how do i do this, then? there's still a confusing number of results. well, i'm glad you asked! also, just a heads up, the descriptions for each part will probably be spoilerly for the previous part. i mean definitely. it's hard not to be.
PART ONE, PHANTOM BLOOD: phantom blood tells the story of jonathan joestar and dio brando and how their lives turned upside down etc etc. it's the first part, also the shortest part, also an underrated part. there was a phantom blood movie which had amazing costuming, but it's lost to the ages and no where on the internet so!
PART TWO, BATTLE TENDENCY: battle tendency picks up 50 years after phantom blood and tells the story of jonathan's grandson, joseph joestar, as he battles the ancient evil responsible for the creation of the stone mask that caused all that fuss in part 1. battle tendency and phantom blood were clumped into one season of the animation.
PART THREE, STARDUST CRUSADERS: tells the story of kujo jotaro, joseph's grandson, as he, joseph and a collection of good boys travel to egypt in 50 days in order to finish what jonathan started in phantom blood. part three introduces the concept of stands, semi-physical manifestations of your will and fighting spirit that take a multitude of forms in order for you to do battle with other stand users. stardust crusaders has been animated like 4 times or w/e and the ovas....boy....i'll link those but watch the continuation of the 2012 animation first
PART FOUR, DIAMOND IS UNBREAKABLE: 11 years after the events of stardust crusaders, kujo jotaro travels to the sleepy japanese town fo morioh to track down two people; joseph joestar's illegitimate son and a mysterious person who is creating stand users. it's teens solving crimes in japan and its great. part 4 is famous for it's 'duwang translation' so if you want to know what that is, read this: http://bracketier.tumblr.com/post/142047729567 at the time i'm posting this, the diamond is unbreakable anime is still airing, so after this there will be no animes.
PART FIVE, VENTO AUREO: we're leaving japan finally and heading to italy! part five takes place only a couple of years after diamond is unbreakable and follows the adventures of giorno giovanna, the son of dio using jonathan's dick to make babies, and his quest to become a GANG-STAR (gangster superstar) and clean up crime in italy and also save the life of trish una, world's best girl, and also like. steal cares.
PART SIX, STONE OCEAN: we're in FLORIDA now in 2011 and we join jolyne cujoh, daughter of jotaro, who has been falsely imprisoned in order to kill her by dio's disciples bc he's fucking dead and still causing trouble. if you die in florida you die in real life i swear to god
PART SEVEN, STEEL BALL RUN: we join a new universe already in progress, after the events of the end of stone ocean reset the universe, we're back in the 1800s again, but this time we're in the old west, following gyro zeppeli, a 'flamboyant executioner' which is the best series of words, and johnny joestar, the opposite of jonathan joestar in every way, as they compete in a cross country horse race to find the body of jesus christ to kill the president? i guess? what the hell. BROKEBACK JOJOS
PART EIGHT, JOJOLION: listen. i don't have a goddamn clue. im just gonna c/p wikipedia here: in the same continuity as Steel Ball Run, the town of Morioh has been devastated by the 2011 Tōhoku earthquake and tsunami, which has caused mysterious faults colloquially known as the "Wall Eyes" to appear in town. Local college student Yasuho Hirose is near one of the Wall Eyes when she discovers a young man buried in the rubble, and a strange bite mark on him. She nicknames him "Josuke", as he cannot remember his own name, and after following a lead that he may be "Yoshikage Kira", an attack by a Stand user leads them to find the real Yoshikage Kira's corpse. Josuke is put in the care of the Higashikata family, whose patriarch Norisuke IV seems to know more about Josuke than he initially lets on, but Josuke himself discovers that the Higashikata family and Yoshikage Kira's family are linked due to Johnny Joestar's marriage to Rina Higashikata in the late 19th century. what the hell