• "I'm not that drunk." Me

"You're not that sober either." Her

• "If you piss your pants, you can only stay warm for so long."

Robert Duvall

• "The point is that any law that makes criminals out of 15 million Americans is probably not such a good idea. The point was that drug abuse isn't a criminal issue, it's a healthcare issue. And the money and manpower we spend prosecuting a surfer in San Diego might better be used fighting things that genuinely threaten our national health and safety. That was the point."

Josh Charles

• "It's taken me a lot of years but I've come around to this: If you're dumb, surround yourself with smart people. And if you're smart, surround yourself with smart people who disagree with you."
• "A famous monk once said, I don't always know what the right thing to do is, my Lord, but I think the fact that I want to please you pleases you."
• "Never ascribe to conspiracy that which can be attributed to ignorance."

Penn Jillette

• "Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim."

Bertrand Russell

• "Oh Lord, give me health and strength. We'll steal the rest."

Fishhooks McCarthy

• "Guns have little or nothing to do with juvenile violence. The causes of youth violence are working parents who put their kids into daycare, the teaching of evolution in the schools, and working mothers who take birth control pills. [on causes of the Columbine High School massacre, 1999]"

Tom Delay

• "Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule."

Friedrich Nietzsche

• "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."

Hunter S. Thompson (1939 - 2005)

• "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."

Hunter S. Thompson

• "Buy the ticket take the Ride"

Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

• "The TV business is uglier than most things. It is normally perceived as **"The more sense that I'm not making now, is the more sense I'm saving to not make later."

Pat McNichol

• "Cover a war in a place where you can't drink beer or talk to a woman?

Hell no!" Hunter S. Thompson

• "In a nation ruled by swine, all pigs are upward mobile."

Hunter S. Thompson

• "I don't really trust a sane person.

Lyle Alzado ""Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God." Kurt Vonnegut

• "Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly; Man got to sit and wonder, 'Why, why, why?' Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land; Man got to tell himself he understand."

Kurt Vonnegut

• "Just because you get drunk and throw a goldfish against the wall doesn't make it murder."

Johnan

• "Your DNA must cry it's self to sleep at night."
• "It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart."

The Cohen Brothers

• "The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary. Men alone are quite capable of every wickedness."

Joseph Conrad

• "Normal people have nothing to forget."

E.M. Cioran

• "The irrationality of a thing is not an argument of its existence, rather, a condition of it."

Friedrich Nietzsche

• "A belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses. It is an idea that possesses the mind."

Robert Oxton Bolton

• "The question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I, or the others crazy?"

Albert Einstein

• "Evil is always unspectacular and alway human. And shares our bed...and eats at our table."

W.H. Auden

• "An American has no sense of privacy. He does not know what it means. There is no such thing in the country."

Bernard Shaw

• "We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others, that in the end, we become disguised to ourselves."

Francois de la Roche Foucald

• "Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel."

Mark Twain

• "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars."

Khalil Gibran

• "Happy families are all alike. Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

Leo Tolstoy

• "Nothing is easier than to denounce the evil doer; Nothing more difficult than understanding him."

Fyodor Dostoevsky

• "Ideologies separate us. Dreams and anguish bring us together." Eugene Ionesco
• For I am without prejudice. It is my hope that both the Christians and the Jews will be damned; and to that end I am working all my influence. Help me pray...

If I have any leaning it is toward the Jew, not the Christian. (There is one thing I'd like to say, but I dasn't: Christianity has deluged the world with blood and tears--Judaism has caused neither for religion's sake.) I've had hard luck with them. - Mark Twain's Correspondence with Henry Huddleston Rogers

• The Jew is a money getter; and in getting his money he is a very serious obstruction to less capable neighbors who are on the same quest.

- "Concerning the Jews"

• "[Aldous Huxley] compared the brain to a "reducing valve." In ordinary perception, the senses send an overwhelming flood of information to the brain, which the brain then filters down to a trickle it can manage for the purpose of survival in a highly competitive world. Man has become so rational, so utilitarian, that the trickle becomes most pale and thin. It is efficient, for mere survival, but it screens out the most wondrous part of man's potential experience without his even knowing it. We're shut off from our own world. Primitive man once experienced the rich and sparkling flood of the senses fully. Children experience it for a few months--until "normal" training, conditioning, close the doors on this other world, usually for good."

Tom Wolfe

• A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

Mark Twain

• A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

Mark Twain

• A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar."

Mark Twain

• A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

Mark Twain

• "Never pick a fight with someone who buys ink by the barrel."

Old Newspaper Adage

• A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.

Mark Twain

• “It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.”

Mark Twain

• “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

Mark Twain

• "Them that's got the gold, makes the rules."

Doc Long's Golden Rule. Former Defense Appropriations subcommittee chair/