i always forget my dreams. i have disconnected from myself.

january

• 05| was on a boat party. the boat was anchored on a harbor that also was part of the party. but basically there were only women and no one liked me. when a man tried to get on the boat, the floor cracked and from the giant crack came a furious mermaid and dragged him to the bottom of the sea. i fucking threw myself on the water and saved the guy, bringing him back to the boat. i was soaked in salt water and leaving the boat to the harbor to give explanations on why i saved a guy on a girl party, aparently a crime of high betrayal of sisterhood. on the harbor there was a wall of something. a dirty white wall witth a hole that strangely no one besides me seemed to realize that was there. and from inside the hole came a pale yellowish hand that grabbed my shirt and then i looked further and could see a face inside the hole. a boy with big dark circles around his very blue eyes and light brown hair with big curls pending on his face. he cried "help me". "i will. just wait." i pushed his hand away with a gentle smile, but he grabbed my fingers and kept begging "please, now! help me!" and repeated "i will, just wait."
  • observations: this can be a good story to write
• 25| killing puppies cause i thought they were possessed and regreting it, then crying a lot. // a digital history class and drawing doodles on my notebook, and copying the notes of the girl by my side. she kinda appeared to dislike me, but when we left class she came to talk to me and a friend of mine said "why are you talking to her?" and i replied "because she has a sad smile" // a dream in third person of two naked boys that apparently love each other and a book and a clock. one of them wants the other to red the book for him but the other is afraid cause the book is cursed and the time passes in this discussion and i keep don't undestanding.
• 26| i was choosing my clothes for today and my mother was showing auntie marcia a picture of when i supposedly cut allan's hair when he was like 3 y.o., the most strange part was when i woke up and i really thought that i had all those clothes that i dreamed that i had (and i was making such strange combinations with them)

february

• 6| i took a bath with someone on a bathtub, probably a teacher lol // talked with a young guy on the bus about the refugiated children who were also taking the bus, it was very early in the morning, everyone was going to school.
• 8| HAD THE CUTEST DREAM EVER ok, i was at this new years party at a VERY HUGE HOUSE (that apparently was my family's) and i was not having fun. my mom did choose my clothes and i was SO UGLY. i locked myself on that fucking enormous bathroom (srsly, enoooooormous) and started to look in the mirror and cry, trying to fix my hair (that was so short and red and dry and ugh???) and i took my hoodie off and threw it on the floor and lifted my shirt to look at my belly at see how fat i was, and i cried and cried. than i looked to the side and on the corner of the bathroom, standing, there was an unknown cousin. he opened his arms, and i just threw myself on him and fell on my knees and cried more. and he whispered: "do you want to see something beautiful?" AND HE TOOK ME ON A TRIP ON THE BACK OF A TRUNK AND I SAW ALL THE CITY LIGHTS GLOWING SO BRIGHT AND I NEVER WAS SO ALIVE AND HE SAID "YOU'RE THAT BEAUTIFUL" then we just sat in silence on the gates of my house next to some daisies and i realized that i wasn't wearing shoes, so he gave me his.
• 24| a dog bit my leg and his owner said that the dog did that cause he disliked white socks. i said "but you see, i'm not wearing white socks" and the owner said "you have a pretty white leg"
• 27| dreamt that i was pregnant at a formal party and wearing a party dress. it was mermaid-like and teal colored, made of shiny satin, and had gems all over it's front. strangely i had a huge belly of carrying a baby, but i was so skinny. and everyone complimented me.

april

• 14| i'm pretty sure i dreamt about rebecca. i remeber seeing her face in my dreams. i miss her.
• 18| fernanda was going to take me to get tattoed and i met dena and i talked about han

may

• (so, i remembered all my dreams this month, but i forgot to write them here so i forgot them)
• 31| there was a presentation for mother's day and we should keep holding giant teddy bears and stay still on little chairs, but i was too fat for my chair // i met some of my friends of my old school there and it was like we still studied there. but all of them were so different and had dyed their hair in so many colors. julye was asian in this dream (WTF???)

june

• 4| i was depressed and kinda trying to cope // there was kind of a manifestation downtown and it was very dangerous. // had sex with a boy noisely on my room at night and everyone was home. in the morning, mom said "he's such a horse, huh?" // the afternoon dream: everyone was calling me fat and i was very sad about it
• 5| i was a vampire prisioner, but i didn't mind it, but he made me anxious for being so pretty and i ended up punching his face because of it and he wanted to kill me // i tought i had a dream within a dream, but it was only a dream within reality.
• 7| i was stalking a blogger and she was wearing that same band shirt becky used to wear. And i went to search for that band on spotify and found robson's profile (he was called jerry colorblind)
• 8| luiza was a cashier at a pharmacy and i was buying laxatives. she was laughing at my face.
• 9| william bit me like a vampire // i punched ana mahara on the face until she was all red and crying, but i felt bad for her and decided to lay her head on my lap and put ice on her face. (why the fuck am i dreaming with people i don't even talk anymore??)
• 10| i had so many nightmares, but i'm glad i don't remember them. i felt so much dispair, i thought i was going to die. // the ducks and the cats inside the abandoned house that talked to each other and passed throught the door every time it was open.
• 11| becky again. i was afraid of her. // i went to take a test like ENEM and met a friend on the way back. it was past 8pm and people going to parties started to mess with us on the street
• 12| so many good dreams, i'm so thankful.

july

• 4| bdsm dreams about dominating asian guys

october

• 14| i had a nightmare. i don't remember it, but i sure had.
• i'm having so many nightmares, sleeping is not a good escape as it used to be