dates & events

• ✔ 20: school season starts, ask for price$$$
• 22: appointment w/ dr righetto 4h30pm

projects

• follow dra. flavia's meal plan as strictly as i can

to do

• study japanese at least once a week
• writing goal: 10k

read (books/fanfictions/mangas/etc)

• idk

watched (movies/series/animes)

• 1| friends season 7 episode 3-7
• 2| friends season 7 episode 7-10
• 3| masamune-kun no revenge episode 5
• 4|
  • GTO episode 4
  • real got7 episodes 1-3
• 6| skins season 1 episodes 8 & 9
• 10| masamune-kun no revenge episode 6
• 19|
  • masamune-kun no revenge episode 7
  • baccano episodes 1-4
• 20-23| friends season 1 episode 1-19
• 24-25|
  • baccano episodes 5-9
  • yondemasu yo azazel-san episodes 1-3
  • masamune-kun no revenge episode 8
• 27-28| friends season 1 episode 20-23

writing

• girls next door
• olhos claros

soundtrack

• vamos fugir - skank
• o teatro dos vampiros - legião urbana
• no surprises - radiohead
• therapy - all time low
• me and mia - ted leo and the pharmacists
• thinking about you - radiohead

about those days

• 01| slept a lot and ate a pack of doritos and half a bottle of iced tea. came home and didn't take the other bus when i arrieved the bus station, so i went walking and hed such good ideas, but i had a writer's block.
• 2| forgot my cellphone at home. // went to my aunt hair saloon and did things to my hair. liked it at the very first moment but now it makes me so stressed cause my hair is so fucking straight and ugh that it really annoys me // listened to a ridiculous story that dona amelia told me and slept on karla's sofa cause she didn't want to talk to me, woke up and ate something with everyone and then i decided to go home. // my aunt planted the seed of doubt when she asked if i wanted to cut my hair oh damn. but i didn't cut it
• 3| sex wasn't good at all and then jonathan slept and i tried to wake him up for hours and end up sleeping too.
• 4| ugh
• 5| i can't explain how much i feel shitty, but i'll try: gained two kg in less than 8 hours awake; went to a shit comemoration of a friend of my mom that's going to have a baby and there weren't supposed to be any fucking men, but there were a lot, and my mom kept saying to me to hide my boobs cause women there are so jealous about their men and i was like: woah, poor insecure bitches, can't even keep a man. and also it was a very very small house and there were too many people and everyone i didn't know looked at me so strangely like they despised me so much. i kinda just got along with the kids for like 2 minutes when a white cat entered the yard and me and then were all awwwwn and we picked it up and petted it. AND MY COMPUTER CORRUPTED ALL MY FUCKING PICTURES // i guess i'll make a new meal plan. ED is evolving again, to something that is going to be bad for me. but i need to lose weight
• 6| today i learned that computers cannot be trusted. my computer corrupted all my fucking files. ALL MY FUCKING FILES. NOT JUST THE PICTURES. AND THERE'S A PROGRAM WANTING ME TO PAY THEM 190 DOLLARS TO THEM TO FIX IT. NO WAY, I PREFER TO LOSE EVERYTHING, I CAN GET IT BACK ANYWAY. // exercised today. i thought i was going to kill my legs // i feel so ugh // i carried the 20L water gallon (yes, it was full) from my sister's house to my house caUSE NOBODY FUCKING CARES IF WE DON'T HAVE WATER TO DRINK
• 7| i don't remember
• 8| jonathan didn't care about my cute outfit, sigh. he never cares. and i asked him to play with my hair as i was laying on his arms and he was so meh about doing it, and he hates to cuddle. i love him so much but i also am a fucking cuddler and i need to cuddle to sleep (that's why i have a body pillow) // I LIED ABOUT SOMETHING I DID AND I SAID I DIDN'T DO IT AND I'M AFRAID THEY'LL DISCOVER THE TRUTH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT'S HAUNTING ME
• 9| woke up and checked twitter and started crying cause once again, people are suceeding in life and i'm stuck. went back to sleep after a few hours, cause i was so sad, then woke up with gatita crying for food and a few hours later i was sleeping again. i can't stand being awake anymore
• 10| i feel so low. i don't have a car, or my own house. i live with my mother. i don't have a job. i'm not attending to any school at the moment and i have no discipline to study on my own. my weight keeps fluctuating. jonathan says bad things about my taste in stuff everyday. he says i only like simple things, things that are easy to understand. i can't write. well, i'm trying, i really am. but all i want to do is to cry but i can't cry cause this medication is fucking me up again. i want it to stop, i want it to stop, please make it stop. i want to be me again. i want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not feel desperate to break it. i want to stop thinking about things that make me uncomfortable. i don't want to swallow any other pill. i don't want to be handed any other medical recipe and talk about how i feel to someone who doesn't give a fuck.
• 11 & 12| i didn't exist these days
• 13| the saga to get a job retarted and i walked a lot to a lot of places and my feet hurt so much, and i didn't even go to all the places i wanted because i was not feeling well due to that surprise interview
• 14| i lost 1,2kg! walking so much and eating so little yesterday really paid off.
• 15| kinda good day yay (i'm sorry, i have nothing to say)
• 16| first appointment with dra. renata of the year. i missed her.
• 17-18| days spent with jonathan, nothing much to do, i'm very bored all the time
• 19| gained a lot of weight from eating bullshit with jonathan. not like it's his fault // my mom made us paint some walls. sigh. i have white paint all over my body. // decided do hardcorely watch some shit. i'm tired of being bored.
• 20-22| do i even exist?
• 23| the engagement thing
• 24-25| watched more baccano and stuff and slept a fucking lot and i'm a lazy couch potato
• 26| does my brother hate jonathan that much?