dates & events

• 19| appointment w/ dra. angela
• 26| appointment w/ dra. flavia

projects

• blogilates 28 day reset challenge

to do

• ✔ stay focused (kinda)
• ✔ look for a job (i'm looking, babe)
• ✔ decide what i'm going to do this year
• name my plants
• buy a new plant because it's new year
• study fucking japanese
• ✔ read as much as you can

read (books/fanfictions/mangas/etc)

• a arte de correr na chuva (garth stein)
• princesa de rua (fernanda mello)
• killing staking (koogi) from chapter 1 to 3
• maybe someday (some killjoy a.k.a. litou han) from chapter 1 to 5
• terra formars chapter 1
• a insustentável leveza do ser (milan kundera) (reading)
• antologia poética (carlos drummond de andrade) (reading)

watched (movies/series/animes)

• 01|
  • one piece episodes 250 & 251
  • gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun episodes 2 & 3
• 08|
  • saiki kusuo no psi-nan episode 5
  • ao no exorcist: kyoto fujouou-hen episode 1
  • masamune-kun no revenge episode 1
• 13|
  • masamune-kun no revenge episode 2
• 16|
  • gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun episodes 4 & 5
• 20|
  • gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun episodes 6-11
  • masamune-kun no revenge episode 3
• 21|
  • gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun episode 12 & special 1
• 22|
  • ghoul
  • limitless
• 26|
  • masamune-kun no revenge episode 4
• 27|
  • gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun specials 2-6
  • ao no exorcist: kyoto fujouou-hen episodes 2 & 3
• 29|
  • great teache onizuka episodes 1 & 2

writing

• repelled (one shot)
• lots of things of oh! gravity
• attempts to write reading eros
• lots of things of 30m² apartment

soundtrack

• baby - malta
• your sweet six six six - him
• rev 22:20 - puscifer
• the scientist - coldplay
• enjoy the silence - depeche mode
• pumped up kicks - foster the people
• join me in death - him
• killing loneliness - him
• vamos fugir - skank
• epitáfio - titãs
• infinita highway - engenheiros do hawaii
• rococo - arcade fire
• só hoje - jota quest
• tears on tape - him
• tempo perdido - legião urbana
• eyes nose lips - epik high (ft. taeyang)

about those days

• 06| today was cheat day. well, it's alright. // went to mueller and came back. on foot. oh, how my feet hurt. // karla really wanted me to go to verdant but i really think it was so much cooler to go home and do nothing that she thinks that could be relevant // THERE WILL BE STARBUCKS IN CWB!
• 08| today was a sad day. jonathan took too long to come here and my mom insulted me over and over again. i felt so fat and all i wanted to do was eat more and more and then cry alone. i wanted so hard to die. i felt numb, really numb and stared at nothing for long minutes.
• 11| WHAT A GREAT DAY OH SHIT I CAN'T EVEN. went to look for a job downtown with karla, and ocasionally rodrigo (who was also looking for a job), then pietra said she was going downtown too, and we all met and me and karla met nicolas on the bus and today we took a lot of pictures and we handed a lot of curriculums and we ate at a very cheap place with good food and walked a lot and i said a lot of shit for sure, then we went to meet juliana and she did already leave her work and everyone was lowkey mad, cause we were having so much fun (at least i was). and then i came home and watered my plants and wrote something on a notebook and now we're planning a trip to a waterfall and i'm so happy, this must go right, cause i think i've never been so excited in my entire life since jonathan came to live in this city.
• 12| lazy day. i was supposed to hand curriculums at shopping jardim das américas but damn, i almost died to go buy things for my mom. // i thought, but i really thought, that 2017 was going to be a purge free year. silly me. i've been purging basically since the year started. // maybe tomorrow we'll go to karla's.
• 13| very communicative today. talked a lot at supernova with intelligent people, even if i totally got off the subject and my opinions were the worst. and i talked nonstop with jonathan, then with him, raphael and fernanda. and then with lawliette. // sex to the sound of calm gothic music yeaaaaaaa
• 14| I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO LEAVE HOME PLS LET ME STAY JONATHAN IF YOU LOVE ME YOU HAVE TO LET ME STAY HOME okay i'll go // did you say boDY WORSHIPING? (ain't nobody got time for that) // reading princesa de rua and eating banana with cereal and taking pictures // supernova had a new npc and luis was there. // my mom got so mad at me cause she's a fucking RIDICULOUS OLD FUCK WITHOUT ANY SENSE OF HUMOUR AND RESPECT OF OTHERS FUCKING CHOICES // ate two entire chocolate bars cause i was so stressed, anxious and ugh
• 15| coffee in the beer bottle // my mom started watching prision break some time ago, and today i was watching with her and i got so fucking nervous and almost had a panic attack (had to get out of the room every 2 minutes) because of the atmosfere of the scene of the rebelion of prisioners on the infirmary wanting to rape the nurse, her tension was so real and i could feel it in my skin. men are such beasts.
• 17| slept till past 3pm // i asked for help for a story for raphael and fernanda and they said really stupid things, i really wanted to laugh. // my mom said she's mad at me. i asked why and she said that's because i never finish things i start. // i want a break from my life. i'm so tired. i really wanted to go to the trip today.
• 18| i'm so fucking tired, i'm tired of a life that doesn't make me happy and incompreensive people. i'm tired of trying and of being too tired to try. i'm tired to not being able to be myself. i want to die, i'm exausted.
• 19| I WAS SO PRETTY TODAY // went to the appointment w/ dra. angela and i'm starting to hate her // went to jonathan's place and listened to some music and started writing something new // my day was ruined at the very last moments // my brother outraged me in front of my boyfriend because i've done something wrong. like he's the most perfect person in the world. i wasn't offended but he could say it another time. // fighted with jonathan over food again today. every time the same bullshit. he says "if we keep discussing i'll say things you don't want to hear", that means he thinks i'm fat. he knows i'm fat. everybody knows.
• 20| i felt dispair. it wasn't agreeable.
• 21| karla cancelled blood in the last minutes so we didn't even go at all
• 22| went to karla's and watched some movies. pietra and juliana talked to me about things and specially about mental health and i think i'll change my psychiatrist
• 23| skipped pilates class to read fanfiction in bed // ate one more fucking chocolate bar by myself // spa day for my feet yaay~ // played a lot with allan and adriel and as always we almost broke a window // i wasn't pretending to write but woa, it hit me like a wave and i wrote, bitch
• 24| talked to a guy that i always wanted to talk on the bus, he's nice // slept all day long at jonathan's after doing it (it felt really unusual ) and when i woke up i knew where i was and why i was there but i kinda didn't know who i was and spend half an hour trying to figure out what was happening in my mind and looking without seeing all the things around me. then i got dressed and exactly in that moment jonathan called and said to meet him at supernova and bring food. we had mogianas (they are the second coffee crush of my life, right after sul de minas) and one afogatto (AFOGATTOS ARE SUPREME, IF YOU LIVE IN CURITIBA AND ARE READING THIS, PLEASE, GO TO SUPERNOVA RN AND HAVE AN AFOGATTO (the caramel one) CAUSE THEY'RE LIMITED EDITION) // i think i fell in love with jonathan a bit more and i don't necessarily need a reason // going home i listened to a kpop daily mix from spotify while reading and i loved it
• 25| what a wasted day
• 26| started reading a new book. // went to nutritionist and she said i need to stop gaining weight // drew a beautiful scene of my fanfic and wrote about it.
• 27| fucking shit day
• 28| i drew something beautiful and borrowed some anime dvds from jonathan, that's all.
• 29| started watching the GTO dvd with jonathan // got really worried about my country and the world and shit and wanted to kill myself to not see what's coming next // had sex on the bathroom floor/sink/walls in all the imaginable positions