dates & events

• idk

projects

• eat healthy (bring your food from home)
• always take the long way home

to do

• ✔ read 2 books
• keep study on track

read (books/fanfictions/mangas/etc)

• amar é punk (fernanda mello) (reading)
• twilight (stephenie meyer) (reading)

watched (movies/series/animes)

• 26: ricky and morty 3 & 4

writing

• +20 poems
• fragments of stories that didn't come to life yet
• letters

soundtrack

• concerto in d major for violin and orchestra (tchaikovsky)
• compitine d'un autre été, l'après-midi- yann tiersen
• work this body - walk the moon
• don't stop me now - queen
• i'll be there for you - friend's theme
• i can see clearly now - jimmy cliff
• santa felicidade (orquestrada) - nenhum de nós
• beta love - ra ra riot
• maquiladora - radiohead
• the bends - radiohead
• ressurrection - him
• love is worth the fall - oar
• decode - paramore
• wicked game - him
• leave out all the rest - linkin park
• everything and nothing - the boom circuits
• just - the ghostlight orchestra

about those days

• 1-3| happy days. lots of dancing but too little sleep.
• 4| went to my mom's work and it was her coworker's bday party. ate a lot of bday treasures <3 // dra renata said things i'm thinking a lot about.
• 5| missed school //jonathan and i went to a sale and he really wanted to buy himself a jacket but it was too expensive ): he rarely buys clothes for himself and i really wanted him to have the jacket. then he bought me a hairbow and a bra.
• 6-8| i'm happy but i'm also a improductive little fuck
• 9| missed school
• 10| everyday a new anxiety attack to get dressed and go out to catch my way to school. today i finally thought i beat it and when i arrived school, at the fucking front door and backed down and went home. i'm not as fine as i think i am.
• 11-12| didn't go to school and i'll cancel my school registration on monday
• 13| at night got so nervous about no specific reason and started to hurt myself physically and exercise frenetically. kept hurting myself until robson sent me pictures of his face and i felt so much better. he's like a safe place for me.
• 15| punched the walls as hard as i could cause i was paranoid and jealous of robson's new friend and probably future girlfriend.
• 16| the JW girls got worried about my mental condition. one of them sent me a versicle that said to trust god all my anxiety. but i don't believe in god... i think i need to start to find a reason, something to live for. i'm so lost... // eat, purge, repeat.
• 17| sent old pictures of me to rob and he said i'm so pretty with short hair. but when i had short hair i was like 45kg lighter and i didn't need to make an my effort to be pretty at all.
• 18-19| calming down my anxiety (and it's a fucking lot of anxiety) with twilight.
• 20| canceled my school registration, afirmed mental instability as reason.
• 21| i got so fucking nervous cause my whole family, they're a bunch of fucking assholes. my cousin said i was anorexic when looking at old pictures of me AND ALSO SAID THAT I NEED TO GO BACK TO BE THAT SKINNY CAUSE I WAS SO MUCH PRETTIER AND LOOKED HAPPIER. when i refused to do her company, my mom came and screamed with me, but that motherfucker didn't want my company.
• 22| met robson, but i was so tired and he was too.
• 23| i freak the fuck out when people say they want to talk to me and don't say anything more than that aaaaa
• 24| did my hair and met rob
• 25| dra. renata said i need to protect myself, fight on my own or sorta kind of thing // my mom's co-worker said i only like to eat and sleep when she doesn't fucking know a thing about my fucking life, i'm sick of these retarded motherfuckers // marcele's bday and i dicounted all my frustration on food
• 26| i'm so fucked up i don't want to eat nor sleep. i can't fucking sleep. just because of what that bitch said me. i'm so hungry but i refuse to eat to the point im not hungry anymore. and i cry all the time. why am i destroying myself because on someone else's baseless opinion on my lifestyle?
• 27| managed to sleep cause jonathan calmed me down and ate something because he bought me food. he's just so caring. but if it's not him i would not do the same for myself. now, back to starvation & sleep deprivation mood.
• 28| my brother really dislikes jonathan. that makes me so sad // everything was alright until i broke the fucking bathroom glass. i hope my mom steps on glass, cause i had no idea of how to clean that and that bitch didn't help me. i cried a lot and thought of suicide multiple times.
• 29| the day is gone so fast. // skipped my appointment and didn't even call to cancel. // i'm a kind of tired that sleep won't fix, but i keep sleeping anyway.
• 30| went to sleep late, woke up late. listened to the same music the entire day. // i think i'm starting to get the control again
• 31| today i'm going to finish twilight and there's no stoping me! // what a sad day, even the sky is about to cry, but it keeps holding it back.