my whole life is a tragedy with so many disasters in between. i decided to start counting them.

may

• 31| woke up past 3p.m.

june

• 1| too many alarms, too many surprises. // gained weight
• 2| didn't want to get up // slept all day // jonathan was pretty, i was ugly.
• 3| spent all day sad and reading (not that reading is bad) // the scale broke
• 4| disconnected // too much pain on my stomach // the flashing pictures inside my mind and the radiohead quotes and the hyperventilating and my pounding heart // starting to have nightmares that pretend to be regular dreams
• 5| can't sleep. // waking up with mom screaming at me
• 6| sleeping too much // purge monster // spent $19 on something that usually costs $5
• 7| nightmares pretending to be dreams again // i miss her, i miss her, god, please don't let me miss her // i thought i was going to pass out and things would be pretty bad
• 8| missed appointment with dra renata
• 9| well, shit.
• 10| jonathan is an idiot and likes to make me worry // the skirt // the skinny girl, my belly.
• 11| i wish today lasted forever
• 12| i wanted to die every single second of today // the fucking fight
• 13| the new scale is nuts // binged // i don't wanna look my mom in the eyes
• 14| worst job interview ever
• 15| a paranoia filled night, i thought i was going to die if i fell asleep
• 16| meh
• 17-20| eating too much, watching lots of useless shit
• 21-25| why can't i be happy forever?
• 26-27| i need to stop eating. and start studying // i really don't know what i want to do with my life, i just want to fuck eugene from the try guys // my mom is a bitch
• 28-30| i don't remember...

july

• 1-3| i also don't remember, erased 5 days in a roll from my mind.
• 4| i'm getting used to read stuff that is so bad it could be used as toilet paper
• 5| why did i open instagram? it only leads to more crisis. i think i always inconsciously guess when she is going to post something.
• 6-19| i'm not sure of who i am // can't sleep at night, too much pain
• 20| had to sleep on my mom's bed due to the pain in my back
• 21| i remember being angry and sad most of the time, just don't know why exactly // puked while showering and erased shit of my mind.
• 22| slept all day long and felt so hungry but didn't want to eat anything and even chocolate tasted bad