In a cafe:

• Man 1: "How much are your muffins?"
• Girl behind counter: "4.50 I think"
• Me: "How much are they overnight?..."
• Girl behind counter: no response
• I then apologized for that comment

At Lunch:

• Girl: "Yea, so consuming the right calories is really essential for athletes like me"
• Me: "Is that why your eating so much?"

At my house to my parents:

• Me: Well once I leave for college, why would I need money for a plane ticket back?"

During seminar, as I am getting out my PBJ sandwich:

• Me: ♪"Peanut-Butter jelly time!" ♪♪ "Peanut-butter, peanut-butter, PEANUt BUTTER JELLY TIMMMMEEEEEE"♫
• unbeknownst to me, the whole class was staring at me the whole time

Other random ones

• "DON'T DRINK THAT WATER!!!" -"why..." "Fish have sex in it. No joke."
• "That's what she said"
• "Who lit the fuse in your tampon!?"