• three types of thoughts that are good to try and reframe: limiting thoughts ("i'm not good enough"), wishing something were better/feeling like you're missing out, specific problem areas (wanting to lose weight etc)
• "events or situations do not have inherent meaning; rather, you assign them a meaning based on how you interpret the event."
• examine the assumptions that frame your perception of a situation (e.g. "i'll never get a promotion because i don't suck up at work" assumes only suck-ups get promoted)
  • "irrational core beliefs that lead to self-defeating thoughts, emotions and actions."
• once you notice your negative thought, reframe it with one of these techniques:
  • soften your words
  • ask yourself the best way to tackle the problem rather than just thinking about it
  • ask what you can learn from the situation so you don't get trapped in negative thoughts again next time
  • challenge your assumptions
• "you can’t always control what happens to you, but you can certainly control how you react."
• when you are reframing your thoughts, focus on:
  • describing the situation as accurately and neutrally as possible
  • illuminating personal power - how helpless and defeated are you really? how much power do you have in this situation?
  • brainstorming alternative views
    • redemptive narrative: where negative things always bring something good with time

common thoughts and how to reframe them:

• "anyone can do what i do. i'm not talented or special."
  • "i'm very good at what i do. my skills are impressive, and lots of people are probably envious!"
• "since __ went wrong, everything i do will go wrong."
  • "although __ went wrong, i can handle the challenge it presents and learn from it to be better next time. and it's just one failure out of many future successes!"
• "i can't handle this."
  • “i’ve faced many challenges before, and i’ve conquered all of them. not only that, but they rarely turn out to be anything significant in the grand scheme of things.”
• "i was rejected, so i'm totally worthless."
  • "missing this opportunity may turn out to be a fantastic thing for me." or "it’s better that I tried and failed than to have not tried at all."

"Here’s an example of positive reframing that I really love. A woman was new to a large company and was trying very hard to make a good impression on her coworkers. One day, responding to a widely sent email, she accidentally attached a personal document about her financial difficulties instead of the intended form. Realizing the mistake to her chagrin, she quickly sent out a new email with the message “…Well at least it wasn’t a love letter ;)” Her coworkers got a kick out of her response, and an event that could have caused her to look unprofessional actually improved her coworkers’ opinions of her."