- "you're the lesson i never could learn." (1/26)
- oh, look at you sweetness, painting with colors livened with water, a strawberry dream before you've even met me, before i've charmed you yet. i am pleased, apprehensive, chewing at the pink of my lip and wondering, yet again, hair dangling from the edges of my bed, blood rushing towards my head, if this Could Really Mean Something Important or i am just elaborately pitching up clean sheets for another projected daydream. let's hope. (1/28)
- i was always the moon, you were just a boy who tricked me into thinking you were someone worth bathing in my cool, sweet light. there's been a new moon out for more than a year now, isn't it, at least where you are--there is nothing but dark, but empty, but vastness that makes you wildly uncomfortable, a mute and absolute severance staunchly instilled when i realized your talk wasn't even just that.
- i was an only child for very long, you know, so i can't stand to share
- i think you just like finding elaborate ways to make me hate you (5/11)
- i think about you and inhale deeply, as if breathing in each fractured memory i broke in a fit of revelation, and exhale hard, my voice shaping "i hate you" without even intending to. (5/14)
- our relationship is summarized as you gruffly bumping into me on a wide sidewalk and sprawling over, bent and scraped but already healing, as i stay bruised and standing and offering an "I'm sorry." (5/14)
- i think, by accident, you may have put a curse on me. i've been listening to "dream a little dream of me" because that's all i seem to be doing lately and i'm only angry because the time we have together isn't true.
- i have so much i'd like to share with you, little worlds that've formed and thrived in the impossible spaces of my mind that burst with life and swell with compassion. for you i want to read my favorite poems, stroke your hair, become enthralled with the freckles that quietly fill the space of your skin, stare in awe at eyelashes quite blonde, feel with the padding of my thumb the smooth angle of your nose, trace your sideways smile that tilts the opposite direction of my own. how can i express all my thankfulness for you in a way you can accept, in a way you won't be uncomfortable taking with you?
- i'll figure it out one day
- but for now i'll gift you little presents, remind you that i care, and know that whatever you do give me is more than enough. i need nothing more than what you already do. (6/11)
- i sit and take you into my mouth like smoke that curls and burns my insides, finding a way to transform into something else (desire! infatuation! adoration! true-fucking-love!) as you fight my lungs for a place to stay. it's always nice to exhale you, so smooth--you're layers thinner, you're worn and wispy, barely there, too exhausted to reform and find your way into me again. just how i like you (just how i need you to be) (6/12)
- somehow you've become my only safe place and i don't know why that is. in your presence i am free, i can let go, my wrath dissipates near immediately, and i feel only that warm embrace of your unconditional love
- when i'm wrought with tears you are my daydreams, singing to me sweetly with my head on your lap
- it's okay, because i can be my own everything, my own father, my own god. i'm not sure i ever needed you and i hope you never felt i did. (6/27)
- "if you feel small, don't babe. whenever you're alone, you're not" (6/29)
jan 1 2013 ∞
jan 10 2014 +