- Things we are trying to do all the time:
- Things we can't help but do all the time:
- Second-guess ourselves.
- Behave impulsively and reactively.
- Take everything personally.
- Worry.
- Worry.
- Worry.
- Have difficulty accepting compliments.
- Have difficulty reciprocating friendly gestures.
- Have difficulty finding the courage to respond.
- Have difficulty not being suspicious of others' intentions.
- Make a huge deal out of the smallest thing.
- Things you should keep in mind:
- We're scared of everything pretty much all of the time.
- It's an actual disorder - our excessive anxiety.
- It manifests as impulsive behavior.
- You can't fix us with words.
- Telling us "worrying is silly" won't make us stop worrying; it'll only make us feel silly, and then we'll worry even more.
- Also, we wear a lot of armor...
- Cold, heavy, affection-proof armor with spikes, we constructed this armor as children.
- We're fairly certain you will never be able to pry it apart, but there is a nice person under there, we promise.
- Things you can do for a friend with anxiety:
- Stick around.
- Ask him/her if they're comfortable in a place or situation.
- Be willing to change the place or situation, if not activities that help them take their mind off of things are good!
- Talk to them even when they might not talk back.
- They're probably too afraid to say the wrong thing.
- Try not to take their reactions, or lack thereof, personally.
- The way they expresses themselves are distorted and bent because of their constant fear and they know this.
- Give him/her time to respond to you.
- They will obsess over how they are being interpreted.
- They will anticipate being judged.
- Things you shouldn't do:
- Tell us not to worry.
- Tell us we'll be fine.
- Mistake praise for comfort.
- Ask us if we are "getting help."
- Force us to be social.
- Force us to do things that trigger us.
- "Face your fears" doesn't always work.
- Emergency action procedure for panic attacks:
- Be calm.
- Be patient.
- Don't be condescending.
- Remind us that we're not crazy.
- Sit with us.
- Ask us to tighten and relax our muscles one by one.
- Remind us that we are breathing.
- Engage us in a discussion.
- If we can talk, then we can breathe.
- If we are having trouble breathing, try getting us to exhale slowly, or breathe through our nose, or have us put our hands on our stomach to feel each breath.
- Ask us what needs to change in our environment in order for us to feel safe. Help us change it. Usually, just knowing that we have someone on our side willing to fight our scary monsters with us is enough to calm us down.
- If you have anxiety:
- It's okay, even if you worry that it's not okay. It's still okay. It's okay to be scared. It's okay to be scared of being scared. You are not crazy. You are not a freak. I know there’s a person under all that armor, and I know you feel isolated because of it. I won’t make you take it off, but know that you are not alone.
jan 21 2013 ∞
jul 31 2014 +