i don't know how this took me so long but at the exact same time, and with the exact same intensity

• i'm not sure i thought about this enough

even that being said, it's right as hell and i know it. but i feel like so much of my life has just been waiting for this moment lana talks about this experience a lot, but it still feels so bizarre to me. i think a lot of that is because

• she knew.
  • and i am afraid i do not

but how can i even say that to myself? sitting here, typing this on a website where both my icon and my background feature the nonbinary flag, and where very aspect of my life somehow wraps back into gender, expression, and layers of discomfort. i am obsessed with the fact that i remember so little about myself on a daily basis. more on that later i think. perhaps elsewhere.