• Pain is addicting. Or so it seems. Or maybe it's just me. I'm so envious of how other people feel so much anger and so much contempt and self hate right now. I wish I feel that way too. When I am broken I feel like I'm whole.
    • So I think about you and the way you made me feel, remembering every feeling I felt in my gut, in my head. the way my heart throbbed out of remorse, the way I wanted to puke because I couldn't take everything any more my body's giving in to the emotions.
      • I'm trying to bring back that feeling and I am failing.
  • We never had something beautiful, something worth crying over.
    • I'm just too selfish, all my tears was for my fucking self. I always indulge in being hurt.
    • But I'm over it. I'm over you. But I don't want to be. Because the feeling of walking between recovery and failure to move on is just too invigorating.
  • I'm over you. I swear. But why can't I say your name?
    • I can't even read it without feeling uneasy.
  • Maybe there is still pain left. I just got so used to it that it seemed as though it was not there any more.
    • But I am still so envious. So, so envious.
      • So I say your name over and over and over in my head because it still somewhat hurts. And it feels good.
jun 2 2012 ∞
jun 2 2012 +