written in cahoots with the Muppet

RESTAURANTS

• New Dawn: If you don't like our knick knacks…
• Radio Valencia: I can't even think of what to say, I miss it so much
• Spaghetti Western: The original Spuds-o-Rama
• Cafe Istanbul: rose lattes
• The Gold Spike: will anyone ever decorate like that again?
• Heidi's Bakery: wonderful rye bread with a German accent
• The Beehive: drag queens and vegan country breakfast— mmm…
• Cafe Macondo: Ritual just doesn't fill the need for this kind of place
• Klein's Deli (Pot Hill): at least you can still get the Gertrude Stein or the Jane Goodall at the airport
• Steve The Greek the friendly cooks yelling out the window to everyone
• Double Rainbow: Haight, Polk and Castro
• Hot & Hunky:_ the one with the door into The Mint
• Juicy Lucy’s: a dash of the Haight in North Beach
• Imperial Tea House (Chinatown): birdcages everywhere
• Mad Magda’s Russian Tea Room: nothing was ever this perfect
• Weekend brunch in some guy’s house at Eddy & Franklin: does anyone remember the name of this place? It was magical.
• Bearded Lady: for what the ladies want
• Crescent City Café: Crab Cakes!
• Horseshoe Café: The first place I ever saw a shot of espresso in a large coffee

STORES

• Forma: before Giant Robot or Needles & Pens or any of that!
• Stat Station: before computermania
• Comic Relief: Remember Stephanie with the googly third eye?
• The New Government: before deadstock was trendy
• Acorn Books: Damn you, internet!!!
• The Faery Queen: Rose and violet fudge (where is he now?)
• Mission Records: Couches smelling like fudge
• Tower Records (on Market St.): Best corporate beast
• The Postcard Store:
• Copy Central (Haight): where else can you print 5-zillion zines for free?
• Scairy Hairy Toys AKA Kitty Katty's Roadside Shack Mini golf and art shows for dogs
• Leather Tongue
• Church St. Station
• __Auntie Mame’s __ Shrink-wrapped Kwisp
• Epicenter
• Sanrio in Union Square: even before the one with the escalator
• Woolworth’s: with the lunch counter and the photo booth
• The Schlock Shop: like walking into a giant, dusty closet

MAGAZINES

• Filth: A Journal For Semi-Literate Dupes Of Anti-Authority
• The Nose: it was snotty
• BAM: was fun to make fun of
• Chard Copy: short-lived Rainbow Grocery zine

BANDS:

• Mingo 2000: great for ga-ga dancing
• Little Fuzzy: fanciest costumes
• The Space Lady: AKA Suzy Soundz
• The Thinking Fellers Union Local 282: nuf sed
• Heavenly Ten Stems: the original west-east-west minglers

CLUBS:

• The I-Beam: man, that place stank!!!
• The Chameleon: I forgot what it is now
• The Nightbreak: now a hippy coffeehouse
• Nap’s Too and Nap’s Also Hang in there, Nap’s Only!
• Pubis Noir: Noise pancakes
• The Purple Onion: Tom Guido era, you maroons!

MOVIE THEATERS:

• The Palace: Chinese movie today!
• The York: adorably scuzzy
• The Strand (pre-porn): 3 movies 3 dollars

STREET CHARACTERS (but we still got Hobbit Rocker! And Swan!)

• The Red Man: real name: Prince Charm
• The White Woman: near Market/Van Ness
• King Edmond
• The Yelling Chinese Dude (with a goiter) at the now long lost traffic triangle at the intersection of Columbus/Broadway/Grant
• "Theventy-five-thenth-to-ride-th'-buth?" remember when MUNI cost under a dollar?
• The Insulting Man: AKA Torgo AKA Bear (obnoxious, aggressive Haight panhandler)
• The Pie Man: ewwwwww

OTHER

• The Carol Doda Condor sign
• Southern Pacific Train Yards
• Rock 'n' Bowl (or was it Park Bowl?): now Amoeba
• The Old Main Public Library: The one with the books
• Musee Mechanique: when it was at the Cliff House
• The Old Cliff House (version 3): while we're at it
• John Wickett’s Museum of Exotica: as close to a waking dream as I’ve known
• Hotel Sam Wong (pre-renovation): how many moms take their kids to a residence hotel for vacation?
• The empty lot at 17th & Wisconsin: was so much nicer than what’s there now
• Moonie’s on Columbus: did Scientology suck them all up? And, whatever happened to
• The Scientology Center (Tenderloin)?: that questionnaire bafffled me
• Highway 180:__ The Muppet added this one. Don’t ask me!
• Pete & Ray: before reality TV