base info

• red guy
• he/him

memories (tw: discussions of trauma, murder, suicide)

• out of the three of us, i was the oldest.
• my head blowing up felt sort of like a... like that tenseness you get when you try to make your ears pop but it just got worse, and the whole time from me getting up in the chair to the actual popping was just Sensory Overload Hell(tm). it was also mixed with one of those really intense headaches - the kind caused by intense eye strain from the screen.
• the whole series was supposed to represent trauma that duck, yellow, and i went through together. roy was an abusive guardian to yellow, and all of the teachings and them going wrong was just us being mistreated at the same time that we were learning these things: as children.
  • i’m not sure what roy did. it was definitely physical in some aspect.
• because i was the oldest, i had to face reality first, and felt the most responsible for helping duck and yellow however i could, but it wasn’t working. i couldn’t even help myself.
• “the real world” was adulthood. i was intenstely traumatized and felt uneasy working with one object for too long, and i commonly jumped from task to task. my incident with the file was sort of, like... you know how people who go through something irregular all their life see that irregular thing as normal despite it not being so? yeah, it was like that.
• my apathy was another way i tried to cope. i tried to act like it wasn’t affecting me and tried to placebo myself into it.
  • that didn’t work.
• the pulling of the plug i believe referenced a murder-suicide, of the three of us. the trauma with roy had come back really hard to bite me and i was fed up. i was sure the others felt the same way so i just went for it.
• the fact that it all took place on june 19th represents the fact that trauma and abuse can feel like it’s neverending - which it did.
• the 20th - with us being our favorite colors, and the door, and the open window - was the afterlife, yes. the three of us were finally free and able to get away from roy and the memories he left us with.
• playlist