- HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER H
- though i unloaded most of my memories and thoughts onto the ragdoll somewhere around the show must go on, i was still myself as pink during that Eyebrowless Fascist Incel period.
- though the concerts were cancelled, i re-advertised a “concert” myself; this was the hammerskin meeting featured in in the flesh. it was an audience i already had wrapped around my little finger; why not use that to my advantage?
- the whole eyebrow shaving thing became a constant. it was originally due to a breakdown, but it made me look so... emotionless and cold (and scary!) that i kept it up.
- my hair wasn't shaved; it was actually gelled back.
- i have a memory that takes place during run like hell of the gel getting cold in the wind heheh
- i also wore like. heeled/platform boots to make myself taller.
- the hammerskins committed atrocities. i preached the horrible ideas; they were mostly the ones taking them out.
- i had a few that directly answered to me, though; they brought me some people.
- undesirables were usually curbstomped or shot. i had a fancy black revolver for its purpose.
- one time a hammerskin meeting got so rowdy and loud that i couldn’t be heard. i shot a round into either the ceiling or someone’s head to shut everyone up.
- some words in our vocabulary that weren't just deadass slurs were paranoids (at first people with anxiety; eventually evolved into neurodivergent people in general) and bleeding hearts (people who sympathize with the undesirables). i'm sure there were others.
- i was technically a paranoid. i never owned up to it.
- the place in which the first hammerskin meeting took place had a real organ in it. the player was a paranoid, himself; he yelped and jumped every time i made a shot. i shot him in the head because i couldn't take his squirming.
- the period from the founding of the hammerskins to my death and loss of control was only about two months. i'm not sure if the organization ceased to exist afterward. i doubt it did.
- there was a man during the opening of in the flesh that kissed my cheek as i made my way to the podium. i kept him in mind and shot him behind the building after the rally was over.
- i have a memory of hanging out of a truck or something that was skidding around a corner and feeling the speed and adrenaline hit me all at once and just living in it.
- i ate and drank very sparingly during this period; most of what i consumed at this point was drugs. this led to my breakdown and untimely death.
- the breakdown was also caused by the sort of heel-turn realization that Yep, I Was A Nazi! and Nazis Killed My Dad! so Oh, Fuck, I Killed My Dad!
- the bathroom i broke down in was actually in the same venue the rally took place in. i don't remember any of the actual breakdown; i was fully dissociated. the body was working completely on autopilot - or, at least, what it could achieve of such, with how bad it was doing.
- i believe i actually started age regressing and then got violently tossed into headspace. the trial was acted out there.
- the trial was more or less a performance. it was made to entertain the masked and everyone else. it took place in a huge stadium.
- i was completely unresponsive and just submitted to the onslaught. it was scary, but i couldn't do anything about it.
- everyone knew that the body was dying. they cheered.
- i died in march 1976, at age 36. i would've been 37 if i made it to my birthday.
- i don't know how i know this, but i believe the actual band pink floyd got my poem book somehow and made the album based off my life. they used me as a moral. it makes me kinda mad jsghfjkhgsjkdfhghsdjkgf
sep 29 2019 ∞
sep 29 2019 +
sep 29 2019 +