- zoot's house was the safest place i'd ever been in. i lived there for a few years - two or three - before we moved out together.
- i stayed with zoot in his bedroom. he had a big enough bed for the two of us.
- i remember there was a window right above his bed that always had the moon shining through. it had light blue curtains on it that bathed the room in blue and it was always so peaceful
- there was a yellow lamp on one side of his bed. it was like that Warm yellow and it was really soothing
- his sax was one of the corners of his room and the yellow glow of that lamp reflected on his sax in this really soothing way
- he had this really nice quilt on top of his bed. i don't know if i remember his bed ever being made but i remember that quilt
- he also had this one really worn floppy dog stuffed animal. he named it, but i don't remember what he named it right now
- he had a record player we listened to a lot- mostly jazz. i don't remember where it was. i think on his dresser
- i didn't give zoot an explanation when he let me in. it wouldn't come out for a long time. the first thing i did when i got to his house was get to his house and shut myself in his room. i just sat on the floor and played with the carpet.
- i told him eventually- a long time later, hours later. i begged him not to tell his parents, because i thought they'd kick me out, too.
- he told them eventually, and nothing happened. in fact they protected me a lot more than i thought they would. his mom especially was protective. she was protective of both of us.
- it was very awkward being in a jewish household and having come from a house of die-hard christians. they prayed in ways i didn't understand, celebrated in ways i didn't, etc. it wasn't something they centered around entirely, but it was absolutely part of their family.
- i believe zoot and his mom were also ethnically jewish. i can't remember if his stepdad was or not.
- zoot tried to explain a lot of the traditions to me and i didn't really get any of them. he didn't really get the christian guilt ones either though so djfhgkjsdhfgjk
- i didn't participate, usually. it kinda felt like i was intruding, and i didn't wanna do that, so i stayed out of it. i did my own prayers at the table (i think i eventually stopped), but i didn't go to mass, and any christmas celebrations were usually stunted.
- i think zoot got me a christmas present one year. it wasn't anything big, though
- tw: self harm it was also where i ended up hurting myself for the first time. i don't remember if it was cutting proper or not, but i did make myself bleed. i remember zoot found me, and i remember the feeling of a cold, wet paper towel on my arm. that's about it.
- it was a habit that continued, sadly. it continued well into my adult life. tw over
- zoot and i would commonly have like... late-night conversations. laying under the stars and just wondering, y'know? about the future, and about us. about anything.
- i don't remember a lot of the details of what went on during my time there but that's about it
- we packed up and moved away when i was... 19-ish. we'd heard about how wonderful california was, and, mostly by me never being able to shut up about it, i convinced zoot to come with me to the coast.
apr 11 2020 ∞
apr 11 2020 +
apr 11 2020 +