• Cervello - Melos

Feels like my brain is being tickled with a recorder and glass bells. Reminds me of orthodox chants at times. Favorite tracks: Trittico, Melos, Canto del capro

• New Trolls - Concerto Grosso per i New Trolls

I'm here for the drama. It's an incredibly danceable album! Makes me emotional to dance, truly. I like symphonic stuff - would be so awesome to hear something of the sort in live rendition.

• Antonio Vivaldi - The Four Seasons (live at the College of Arts)

I was pleasantly surprised with how sharp it sounded. With the little explanations and the annotations from the concertmeister, I could really sense the themes Vivaldi intended. I'm biased towards Winter, ...

TO READ

• A Guide to Art Nouveau
• German lit (ask my prof for an exhaustive list)
• Heine poetry
• Hoffmann
• Memories, Dreams, Reflections, C.G. Jung (ongoing)
• Paradise Lost, J. Milton
• Plato
  • Apologia Socratis
  • Crito
  • Euthyphro
  • Phaedo
  • Symposium
• Saved poetry
• The Bible
  • Ecclesiastes
  • Genesis

LOOKS

• taller than me but not too tall
• dark hair, not black
• eccentric-looking, but attractive
• knows how to dress
• good posture
• not buff, just a lean guy

PERSONALITY

• kind
• respectful
• loves animals
• respects women
• not soy
• traditionally masculine
• patient
• appreciates me like i deserve
• positive outlook on life
• humorous and can take a joke
• not an incel
• adequate self-esteem

FICTION

• The H.P. Lovecraft collection
• A.Pushkin "Eugene Onegin" (re-read)
• M.Bulgakov "A Young Doctor's Notebook" ✦✦✦✦✦
• M.Bulgakov "Morphine" ✦✦✦✦✦
• W.Golding "The Lord of the Flies" ✦✦✦✦✧
• 50 Great Short Stories (ongoing)
  • A. Huxley - The Gioconda Smile
  • A. Chekhov - The Upheaval

NON-FICTION

• S.Covey "The Seven Habits of Highly-Productive People"

Lord give me strength to overcome my anemia and be able to read with a considerable reserve of stamina again, please.

TO READ

BREAKFAST

• Omelet
• Cheese Toast
• Avocado Toast
• Smoothies
• Tomato Egg Stir-fry

LUNCH

• Cheese Soup
• Pumpkin Soup
• Noodle Soup
• Chicken Soup
• Mushroom Soup
• Veggie Soup (no chicken broth)

DINNER

• Chicken Curry
• Japanese or Indian version
• Beef Curry
• Asian-style pork
• Baked potatoes

BIBLIOTEKA AROMATOV

• Blood ✦✦✦✦✦

Really sexy. Tangy and deep, herbal and just a bit salty, it smells like an obsession with something, someone. I don't think it really smells like blood though, making it suitable for everyday wear, perhaps just not too much? It matches my expectations in full, so I'm ordering a 30ml as soon as I am able.

• Jasmine ✦✦✧✧✧

I like Jasmine green tea, but this one is too much. It smells essentially like jasmine but I found the scent to be too monotonous, reminds me of cheaper men's eau-de-colognes. Hell, what was I expecting from a singular-type-fragrance?

• Petrichor ✦✦✦✧✧

It's okay. Too intense sometimes but as i...

• — ✦ Yes - Soon

Long ago,

Set into rhyme...

• — ✦ Genesis - Am I Really Wrong?

God! Where is my soul now?

• — ✦ Pink Floyd - Echoes

Strangers passing in the street

By chance, two separate glances meet

And I am you and what I see is me

• — ✦ Peter Gabriel - No Self Control

You know I hate to hurt you

I hate to see your pain

But I don't know how to stop

I don't know how to stop

• — ✦ Tame Impala - Yes I'm Changing

There is a world out there, and it's calling my name

• Yukio Mishima - The Temple of the Golden Pavilion

To me, this feels similar to seeing something so cute you can't bear it - so you have to discard it. Many memorable quotes. Is evil possible on Earth? I've missed many things that would make sense in an analysis. I need to learn how to read books, really. Related to the main character in terms of being disassociated from the world.

• A.Huxley - Island

Not sure if I will ever finish this book because it genuinely feels off. Like, yes, I agree that what Huxley's describing is a cute utopia and it would be nice to have that irl. HOWEVER. It feels like a blind critique of the world that he simply got bored of at the end of his life - the old West with its pragmatism. Trying to ...

• Björk - Vulnicura ✦✦✧✧✧
• George Harrison - All Things Must Pass ✦✦✦✦✦
• KKB - Bonito Generation ✦✦✦✦✧
• KKB - Intro Bonito ✦✦✦✧✧
• The Alan Parsons Project - Tales of Mystery and Imagination ✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦
• Ultra Bra - Kroketti ✦✦✧✧✧
• Frank Zappa - Apostrophe ✦✦✦✧✧
• Jeff Lynne - Armchair Theathre (couldn't finish, too much JL)

MOVIES

• The Shining ✦✦✦✦✧
• The Substance ✦✦✦✦✦ (I REALLY LOVED THE SOUNDTRACK)
• The Girl and Death ✦✦✦✦✧
• The NeverEnding Story ✦✦✦✦✧
• The Lighthouse ✦✦✦✦✧ (artsy yet unpretentious)
• Kung-Fu Panda ✦✦✦✦✧ (+ actually good childhood memories of my father)
• Dr. Strangelove ✦✦✦✦✦ (So satisfyingly dark and funny. Why do men exist.)
• Barry Lyndon ✦✦✦✦✦ (so beautiful, has no business being so engaging)
• Bridget Jones's Diary ✦✧✧✧✧ (trying to be funny and failing)
• Marriage Story ✦✦✦✧✧ (I like Adam Driver and it's definitely a story)
• No Country for Old Men ✦✦✦✦✧ (Probably I missed the point, but the act...

MOVIES

• Morphine ✦✦✦✦✦
• The Lake House ✦✦✦✦✧
• Dead Poets' Society ✦✦✧✧✧
• The Master and Margarita ✦✦✦✦✧
• Pearl ✦✦✧✧✧
• Oppenheimer ✦✧✧✧✧
• The Matrix ✦✦✦✧✧
• Constantine ✦✦✦✦✧
• 12 Chairs (didn't finish)
• The End of Evangelion (re-watch)
• Poor Things ✦✦✦✧✧
• The Truman Show ✦✦✦✦✧
• The Matrix Reloaded ✦✦✦✧✧
• Mister Designer ✦✦✦✧✧
• Russian Ark ✦✦✦✦✦
• Generation P ✦✦✦✦✦
• Legally Blonde ✦✦✦✦✦
• 12 Years a Slave ✦✦✦✧✧
• American Psycho ✦✦✦✧✧

SERIES

• The Warden (Superjail)
• Dr. Katz (Dr. Katz Professional Therapist)
• Saul Goodman (Breaking Bad\Better Call Saul)
• Daniil Dankovsky (Pathologic, Pathologic 2)
• Eva Yan (Pathologic, Pathologic 2)

I always forget what I really want to do in life during my more depressive episodes so I am putting it down here.

TRAVEL

• Russia
  • Karelia
  • See the Mother Russia monument complex
  • Vladivostok
  • Murmansk
  • Siberia somewhere
  • Caucasus
  • just take that red plane anywhere in my region
• India
• North Korea
• Japan
• New Zealand
• US

LIFE

♂

• Eustace
• Daniel
• Constantine
• Alexander
• Allen, Allan
• Florian
• Martin
• Felix
• Sim

♀

• Martha
• Esther
• Katherine
• Eve, Eva
• Greta
• Jasmine

• Puma's purring
• men speaking softly
• sound of my heels on the concrete when i jump a bit
• gun clicking
• ice crackling
• bookpages
• church bells pealing
• my glass nib pen against the paper
• overall i love men's voices

MUSIC

• mellotron, so mysterious
• slide guitar
• bright piano
• percussion
• swift bass, like in the Japanese jazzfusion albums, or Steely Dan
• symphonic, baroque stuff

to be completely frank, i already have everything that's needed for a good and fulfilling life, both in body and spirit. these items on the list are mere enhancers of my experience and are completely unnecessary. the soft kindness of the people that surround me always gives me more in ways i didn't know i needed, and i should be forever grateful for that

GENERAL

• Continue with German
• Continue with Chinese
• Read more books + analyze
• Watch more movies + analyze
• Write my diary consistently + mood chart
• No cutting my hair this year

MIND

• Go where I'm afraid to go
• Do what I'm afraid to do
• Be more evil
• Be diligent at work
• Study like a demon
• Find new soul-nourishing friendships
• Enjoy the silence without distractions
• Whimsy and silliness as per usual...
• Visit the gallery/theater more

HOBBIES

• Try sewing

BODY

• ferritin 100+
• exercise more once i feel better
  • biking
  • running
  • maybe try to go to gym??...
• new hairstyle, perhaps one that is shorter
• get night lenses

MIND

• go places that attract me
• do things that feel right
• less distractions
  • youtube for example
• distance myself from what's wrong for me
• read more books and articles
• watch more movies

STUDIES

SUPPLEMENTS

• Mg
• Folate
• Zn
• B12
• Vit D

STUFF

• e-reader
• tablet + pen
• mirror
• futon?
• tatami
• kettle
• photochromic lenses
• blood perfume

LIFE ESSENTIALS

• new toothbrushes
  • mono

• wet rugs
• anemia
• screeching noises
• brain fog
• first day of period
• babysitting adult ppl
• not being able to hang with my long-distance friends
• PMSing
• overstimulation
• waking up during the night for no apparent reason
• lukewarm tea
• having greasy hair, face
• single use plastics, overall plastics
• being hugged awkwardly

✦ —— current

• jouranling/listography
• cooking/baking
• trying new things
• drawing
• biking
• crocheting
• calligraphy/lettering
• scrapbooking/junkbooking
• photography
• music

✧ —— wanna try

• papermaking
  • water tub
  • photo frames
  • cotton cloth
  • blender
• drying flowers/plants
• cross-stitching

✦ MOVIES

• Major Grom: The Plague Doctor
• Grom: A Rough Childhood
• That Film About Sugar
• The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson
  • "Acquaintance"
  • "The Hound of the Baskervilles"
• The Crimson Rivers 1 & 2
• Dogma (didn't finish)

✦ SHOWS

• Trigger, both seasons