Today, I went to Google and typed in my full name, then clicked I'm Feeling Lucky. I got a Twitter page. One: I don't have a Twitter account. Two: That girl in the picture is me. I'm really confused and scared. MLIA

Today, my boyfriend came over when my mom left and told us to "behave". The second she left we looked at each other, shook our heads no, and did what any teenage couple who loved each other would do when parents are gone. That's right. We stood on the roof and dropped water balloons on the people jogging. MLIA

Today, my teacher gave us a test where all the correct answers were 'c' just to mess with our heads. A girl sitting next to me broke down in tears with frustration. I love my teacher. MLIA

Today while I was walking I saw a fat guy wearing a t-shirt that said, "Blink if you want me." I resisted blinking, but right as he was passing me, something flew in my eye, and I went into an intense blinking fit. When I could see again the guy winked at me. MLIA

Today while voting on submissions I came across my own. I didn't realize until I clicked no. MLIA

At dinner, we were on the topic of bra sizes. My sister said, "I don't mind my bra size." My dad then replied, "Yeah because it's the only thing you will ever get an A in." MLIA

Today, I was in the car singing and dancing to "Bad Romance". I look to the right to see some guy in his car singing and dancing to the same song. MLIA

Today we were studying the Spartans in my World History class. We were answering fairly hard questions so I decided to say "this is MADNESS" thinking no one would get the joke. Everyone shouted back "THIS IS SPARTA!!!!". I was wrong. MLIA

Today, as my cat went to jump off a chair, she stretched her paw and without even thinking about it, I hi-fived her. MLIA

A few months ago, I was hungry during class, so I said to my friend "I'm hungry! Go make me a sammich, woman!" and she would say "make your own sammich!" So on the last day of school, I told her to make me a sammich again. She told me she would make me one over the summer and mail it to me. Today, I recieved a sandwich in the mail from her. It was shaped like a heart. MLIA

Today, (but really a few months ago), we were playing Lion King music in band. Because we didn't know what one of the songs was, we watched that clip from the movie. Randomly, one of my friends states "you know, Mufasa is voiced by the same person as Darth Vader". Then, in a perfect Darth Vader voice, he states "Simba, I am your father."

Today is September 1st. In Harry Potter, today would be the first day at Hogwarts. So, to get in the spirit, I wore my Hogwarts pin I got from my boyfriend to school. I received five compliments and a hi-five. MLIA

Today, I was feeling kind of down. So I went on My Life Is Twilight to make fun of all the stupid stories. I read on that said "Today, I made out with my dog because it reminded me of Jacob." I think this person needs a therapist. MLIA

My sister thought she heard a snail. She's 19. MLIA

Today I was looking at hostpital birthing gowns online and upon realizing how much they looked like dresses,I started to wonder what guys wore when they gave birth.Then I remembered guys don't give birth. MLIA

Today, I decided to walk around an outdoor shopping center dressed like a Disney princess. As a result, I received hugs from small children, was addressed as Your Highness, got doors held open for me, and was given some free cookies. Best decision ever? I think so. MLIA.

Four years ago, when i was 18, i noticed that at night my front window is very reflective so i was pretending to dive in slow motion and shoot, dual pistol style. Suddenly a really hot girl walked past and i was startled and fell over. Embarrassed i waited for a bit and then stood up. As i stoop up i saw her slowly shooting an imaginary rifle from behind a car. We then proceeded to do this for 10 minutes until she did an extremely dramatic death. She wasn't getting up so i went outside to meet her. Once i got to where she was, there was nothing but a piece of paper with a mobile number on it. Today, we are getting married. MLIA

Today, My girlfriend told me she loved me. I tried to be romantic and tell her "I've loved you for 10 months- Known it for 8- and been able to love you completly as mine for 6 months." We where 5 centimeters away from kissing when I relized my roomate was watching us with a bowl of popcorn leaning into us and whispering to himself- "here it comes...." MLIA

Today, I was trying to type bananas into Google. I had to sing 'Hollaback Girl' to spell it correctly. MLIA

Today, my cat and me sneezed at the same time. We just stared at each other...it was awkward. MLIA

Today, for my birthday my boyfriend gave my a ten pin bowling set with Justin Bieber's face on the pins and a giant fist on the bowling ball. He's a keeper.

Today a scary-looking man on a motorcycle pulled up next to my car. He had tons of tattoos and piercings and was wearing a leather jacket. Then I looked at his shoes. Pink Crocs. MLIA

Today I was walking through the mall when someone in a Batman T-shirt gave me a dirty look I couldnt think of why until I realised I was wearing my Joker T-Shirt MLIA

Today, my friend laughed. A boy from the country Cyprus (near Turkey and Greece) said "Gabe, your smile voice is perfect." I will never call it a laugh again. MLIA

Today I was watching the movie Annie with my 5 year old sister. When Ms. Hannigan, the lady in charge of the orphans, sang a song about little girls there was a line "every where i look everything is little." my 5 year old sister yealls out "THATS WHAT SHE SAID!!!" at the top of her lungs. i've taught her well. MLIA

Today I wanted to make a cake. I opened the mix, put everything in the bowl and realized I only had one egg. I cracked open the egg and there were two yokes. MLIA

Today, i was out and about, when i met a boy with green hair. I have red hair. he called out "together, we'll make christmas!" guess who has a date tomorrow???MLIA

Today, I was down town and I saw a guy holding a free hug sigh. We saw him steal a little girl's dollar out of her pocket. My boyfriend cleared out his pockets and went over to give the guy a hug. He stole the little girls dollar back and gave it to her. I knew I picked a good one. MLIA.

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. My dad offered to let me use the truck because it has "great four wheel drive and can run over anything." Thanks dad. MLIA

Today, I went over to my boyfriends house to go on a date. When I got there, he had a bunch of new coloring books with a giant box of crayons in a massive fort in his living room. As soon as I sat down he brought out dinasour shaped nuggets. On the plate was a twisty tie, so I picked it up and put it on my finger since it looked like a ring. He proposed. MLIA.

Today my beautiful, blonde, 16 year-old cousin was complaining about the way she looked. Frustrated, I said to her, "Do you know how many people would kill for blonde hair and blue eyes?" My boyfriend was sitting on the bed next to me. He nodded and said, "Hitler."

Today, i saw a group of gansta guys in a car. They winded down their window and all i could hear was really loud opera music coming out of thier car. ThierLIA

Today, I was walking through my neighborhood when I heard, "Whoa wait! You're not allowed in my room without pants!" I'm not sure i want to know what was happening in that house. MLIA

Today I ate my cereal with a shot glass, because I couldn't find a spoon. Only in college. MLIA

Today I couldn't get my phone to connect while trying to text someone. After multiple attemps, my friend ran over, grabbed it out of my hand, punched her fist up in the air, and screamed,"FOR NARNIA!" as loud as she could. It sent. Instantly. MPhoneIA

Today is the last day of September. I woke up to my alarm clock radio playing "Wake Me Up When September Ends." Thank you alarm clock for following my orders. MLIA

Today, my friend told me that she and her boyfriend had a romantic evening planned. She said that her boyfriend asked her to pick up some condoms, but she was to scared to buy them, and asked me to go with her. As we paid for them, I slung my arm around my friends waist and winked at her. Playing along, she kissed my cheek. We are both women, and I don't think I have ever seen someone as confused as that cashier. MLIA.

About 10 years ago, I adopted a cat from a local shelter. Being only 11 at the time, I named her Princess. Upon discovering that "she" was actually a "he", my cat's name was promptly changed to Mr. Princess. MLIA

Today at school, we were discussing religion and a kid in my class revealed he is an atheist. His name is Christian. I laughed at the irony. MLIA.

Today my friend asked me what Hitler's last name was.MLIA Today, I found out how far back those reclining dentist chairs could go. My dentist put it on recline and went to wash his hands. When he came back the chair was vertical and i had slid to the floor. MLIA

Today, a guy came up to me at Wal-Mart and said "The rooster is in the nest." Playing along, I replied "The crow calls at midnight." He handed me a loaded cap gun and said "Use this wisely." With that cap gun I scared the piss out of six customers. Well played, Wal-Mart guy.

Today, I came down to a fully made breakfast and a note that said, you're welcome. I thought it was really sweet until i remembered... I live alone. I'm pretty freaked out. MLIA.

Yesterday, I got a new goldfish at PETCO. After putting him in his new tank and watch him swim slowly around, I thought that I finally had a normal member of the family. Until I turned on the air pump; he immediately tried to eat the bubbles and rode the stream to to top of the tank repeatedly like a carnival ride. MLIA

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying that she lit her curtains on fire while vaccuming. So many questions. MLIA

Today, I was at a new dentist and the hygenist was asking me a few questions. One of the questions was " is there anything strange going on in your mouth?" at that moment the dentist walked by and yelled "thats what she said!" The hygenist didnt think it was funny, but now I know that this dentist is a keeper. MLIA.

Today my baby brother cried because my sister told him he's not a dog. MLIA

Last night, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone and he dropped his. A few seconds later he says, "I just dropped my phone. Are you okay?" Yes, I was okay. MLIA

Today, I was voting on submissions, and I saw one that was in a different language. I was curious, so I went to a translator to see what it meant. Apparently, some Norwiegan guy wanted to tell us he is gay. MLIA