7.24.26 | (( one of the worst/most disturbing i've had.... )) dad was showing me a [redacted] in the kitchen. suddenly he took it from my hands and [redacted]. it was graphic. it happened so fast yet i could see every detail clearly. mom and i panicked and ran out of the house to the front deck. we looked through the window and saw him twitching, i told her i should do cpr while she called 911 for an ambulance. i could feel his ribs breaking as i performed chest compressions. in typical nightmare/stress dream fashion for me, we could not successfully dial 911. either mom hit the buttons wrong, or she did but the number reached a civilian answering machine instead. finally mom got ahold of someone she knows through work, and i told him to call 911 on our behalf. ambulance arrives. we haven't had dogs since the late 2000s, but in the dream i had to put our two dogs and two cats in separate rooms so ems could leave our door open for the stretcher. dad seemed to come around despite my inconsistent cpr (interrupted by trying to get the phone to work) and i got the sense that he would be okay. definitely self-soothing because what happened..... one would not be okay after that.

7.16.26 | (( an iteration of a dream i frequently have )) i was wandering around a labyrinthine series of hallways, all lined with bookshelves. every few turns there are large wasp nests of differing designs hanging against the top shelves. one is delicate filigree, another is a standard paper nest shape, and a third is flat like in a bee box, but I know it's crawling with wasps. i can feel them landing on me, stinging me. i run for help and find a man i know to be an exterminator. i walk behind him as i direct him to the nests.

7.10.26 | (( super detailed like a movie, one of the most involved dreams/nightmares i've had in a long time )) i was in a large mansion with many other guests for a wedding. the fashion was early 1900s, everyone was in clothes fitting for such an event. the dream took place over many parts of the mansion, including the chapel on the grounds, which was more decayed than the old mansion, with merely the ribs of the vaulted ceilings & columns left standing - this is where the ceremony would take place. over the course of the day into the night, people one after another became obsessed with the door at the end of the servant/service hallway in the basement. it was a nondescript door, average size, painted white with a brass knob. each of us ended up trying to open the door, until there was a whole group (everyone at the wedding?) piled in the narrow hallway observing the door. someone finally opened it. beyond was a large, dark open area. no one walked through the door, we were all clustered on "our" side. i could get the sense that whatever was on the other side was multi leveled and i, now awake, recognize the silhouette i was seeing as the side view of the platforms and stairs of a subway system. several faint rectangles could be seen dotted here and there - all at once they turned on, white background and red lettering, saying what i now infer as the words "OPEN". someone slammed the door, and i woke up.