• my grandparents are the only human beings that love me unconditionally
  • I need to spend more time with them
• I'm letting go of some ropes in my life that were once strong but have withered and frayed drastically by the edges
  • All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not. - I Corinthians 10:23
• as much as I lament old friendships or new friendships that could have been, I don't deserve anybody (sorry if you feel like I'm cutting you off. everyone just seems to lead a happier life without me in it. I'm tired of failing and disappointing everybody.)
• I don't deserve life
  • but God hasn't struck me dead yet so I'm guessing there's still something that needs to be done that only I can accomplish, even if I have no real friends beside me

God's blessings

• neighbour gave three jigsaw puzzles to my grandpa
• my aunt bought us expensive turkey
  • even though she's a single mother supporting four kids, on welfare, paying 1k+ for rent, and working at McDonald's
  • she also bought us grapes that I'm eating right now

God's rich mercy

• picked me up when I was down
• forgave me when I deserve severe punishment
• showed me love through my grandparents

God's amazing grace

• I came out of my room to put away my dishes
  • Lola said, "Look, she's out of her room!" and cooed me like a baby, told me she missed me
  • Daddy told me he missed me as well
  • I said, "Well, I'm here."
  • Daddy said, "But you're busy all the time, you know..."
  • Lola asked me for a hug
  • I usually would have been impatient and walked back to my room without giving her a hug
  • I gave her a big hug and a kiss
  • then I went to my grandpa and gave him a hug and a kiss even though he didn't ask for anything
  • then he went to sleep
  • I made his night
  • I feel better

reminder(s)

• If I can't trust the people I want to trust, that's okay. I can't even trust myself. If I can't physically touch and give a hug or receive a hug from the people I love but my grandparents, that's okay. All I need is God and to put my confidence in him, and He will provide what I need and take upon Himself all my cares and worries.