→ new goal this year:

• ☆ don't rate books ♥
• ☆ read books even if they're rated low on goodreads etc ♥
• ☆ drop books if i'm not into them or struggling / don't struggle through to complete ♥

→ tbr:

• unteathered sky
• we should all be birds
• radium girls
  • stopped at 10% but want to get back into it when i'm in the mood for non fiction
• grayson

→ currently reading:

→ finished reading:

• the most unusual haunting of edgar lovejoy finished 9.1
  • lol so i'm 45% or so just in a few hours, and i just need to mention that i have had this book in my holds for almost a year and i was so desperate after the last book to find something comfortable, so i started this having misremembered that it indeed wasn't a YA book about a guy who worked at a hotel after school, but is actually a modestly graphic book with lots of sex scenes so far lol. anyway i like it so far, just have been laughing to myself about what i got myself into. it's giving me 'paranorman all grown up' vibes <3
  • finished and yes. i can confirm that this book was very much 'if paranorman was 26' vibes. it was cute, but i also felt like a lot of the plot points from the beginning went nowhere. jamie never did burlesque again, from what i remember. which is fine, but it felt like the author used this plot device to get the audience to realize their commanding presence, something really important that would alter edgar's world in some way, idk. maybe i'm super off. and then something that really irked me from the first moment was jamie really wanted to make changes to edgar's appearance right away. right on their second or third date?? to me that's a huge red flag. from my own personal experience from having that done to me in an unsolicited manner, NOPE. that's the thing that bothered me - it was totally unsolicited. another thing is edgar needed some professional help. yes, he needed love and acceptance and jamie was a wonderful partner, (albeit like extremely immediate quick to become that partner), but edgar could've benefited from therapy and meds (coming from a fellow anxiety/panic disorder, that's gonna be a huge help). and i was a bit disappointed that things just got better from the power of love?? it was lovely that jamie was so accepting and accommodating. and sure he gave himself a bit of exposure therapy by confronting a ghost, but that was another thing that confused me. the ghost-seeing gene didn't really amount to much to me. i thought it would help edgar find acceptance to his friend passing when they were kids, but it didnt really... still cute book, but just some things that got me.
• parable of the sower finished 8.28
  • started reading-got maybe 10% through and had to stop because i'm a weenie. it's a little too close to home right now and i feel like i need things that take me away from the realness a bit. i will return.
  • 67%, month or 2 later. ok, just had to get over the hurdle of the beginning. now i've passed the "too close to home" part and i'm now into the "ok, i'm listening, i'm taking notes..." in other words, how to survive the inevitable/near future. god this book is uncomfortably prophetic, octavia butler saw what no one could (or wanted to see). always listen to black women!!
  • 80% mark has me dying for this thing to be over. I’m so grossed out by her “lovemaking” with a man in his 50’s and she’s 18. this book has somehow managed to make me feel so uncomfortable & icked out, yet ashamed that I feel this strongly all at once. I see the goodreads reviews for this and then immediately think something’s wrong with me that I don’t find this to be an enjoyable read. I’m sorry I guess I’m not a masochist like the rest of them?
  • I really did not end up liking this book. and the hype built from the goodreads reviews and actual recommendations from people I follow kinda disappointed me. while I’m happy for her to go off and develop earthseed, the religious/cult themes were not my fav and just brought a weird layer to the aspect of the story that was more interesting, which was how the country existed in a post climate privatized government and how she navigated the sexism, racism (esp environmental racism). I also feel that the hyper empathy sensitivity she was born with was underdeveloped. I assumed maybe it was a genetic mutation from the drug interaction her mom had, and it would be more prevalent in the story, like a supernatural power, enhanced sort of thing but it wasn’t? I hear that many of Octavia Butler’s other books are much more compelling so I’ll check them out once I recover 😵‍💫
• I am not a vampire (anymore) finished 8.25
  • 40ish % in: it’s fun and reminds me a lot of Buffy. it’s different lore-wise, too. somehow witches are vampire hunters instead of being their own supernatural thing which actually kinda… makes sense? in other vampire media there’s so many types of demons to deal with in addition to vamps but in this it’s vampires (unnatural) vs witches (holders of power). maybe there’s more tho since I’m only halfway thru.
  • the ending was a little underwhelming. it felt just... fine. the romance/love triangle was gross (both guys were juvenile and sweaty and annoying in their own ways), and i'm glad for no physical scenes. the mom of the witch friend and her coven making a deal with the head vampire was pretty lame. but i'm happy for anyone who loved it tho!
• every version of you finished: 8.15
  • great premise, great story. i knew pretty early on that alex was living his second life too, i think what gave it away was when he called joey "jo"... and that was okay, i was happy to be right. i knew the cat story would bring them back together too. but it was all the lessons she was learning in between that really made this story! the concept of being able to relive your life to make it better is so fascinating. i mean, who knows what happens after death for those of us who have some unfinished business. i have a loved one who recently passed, and i can't help imagining that he would totally take that second chance and do a lot of things differently. and for me right now, i wonder if i would take that chance too... i dunno. but i do love that she is going to be a therapist for others in the group. :) great book
• dangerland finished: 8.11
  • it was enjoyable enough but I found myself not liking some of the characters and being frustrated with them. eujeannie was sort of the only one I decently liked. but that’s marginal. it kept bothering me how no one believed that she and the guy (I can’t remember his name) weren’t hooking up. trust women, guys! jeez. I also feel like her attraction to him was only due to being worn down by everyone around her, ESPECIALLY HIM. fuck that. that’s not a love I am interested in exploring. I also found it so fucking irksome that the nanny didn’t even really care about the whole having a baby thing. her daughter was right there all that time and she was just mildly indifferent, seeing the relationship as a paid duty. If I birthed a whole ass baby with a dude who I didn’t have feelings with, I wouldn’t EVER sign an nda and this is coming from someone who doesn’t even want kids and sees that whole avenue of life as an inconvenience-- but when that happens, something inside of her should have set off warning bells. her actions were just wild. and the dad (what’s his fucking name Keith? I dunno whatever) was probably the MOST contemptible of them all. definitely up there. not a fan, not a redeemable quality in the guy. i don't see what eujeannie fricken saw in him AT ALL.
  • in other words, this book is the equivalent of watching a show you know is trash and being fascinated with what insanity will play out, but hating everyone in it, soooo like reality tv?? (i dont watch reality tv but it's probably the closest equivalent)
• eyes like stars finished: 7.29
  • cute, but also very fan-fiction-esque in some ways... in the way that it felt like the author (or more likely, the story group) was exited to actually get to write a star wars book, that they were like "what are my pie in the sky ideas i have always had _as a fan_". the biggest critique i have of all disney star wars is if they're going to make characters that aren't "legacy" characters, then let them have their own stories, and don't try so hard to tie them into the stories of main characters. like, please expand a little from the core four, please. but, i do feel that the story was good... it wasn't a "romance novel" like they advertised it to be at all, which if i'm being honest, i'm glad about because it would be really weird to have scenes like that in a star wars book that wasn't fanfic? i really was done with the dynamic of the two droids--which were legit r2 and c3po but female. same dynamic, same spunk. maybe some people will like it, but i was just rolling my eyes. the part that i appreciated was that V-B actually sacrificed herself for the group. and we didn't get her back. i'd rather that more than her surviving. it made the stakes actually hold up. i do feel like this book sets up for a sequel or others in the same group of people, which i'd be into.
• i have some questions for you finished: 7.22
  • i thought this book was great. it touched on a lot of relevant things that have gone on during the last 8 or so years. it weaved in themes of abuse, bullying, self-worth and how it framed the main character's (narrator) teenage years and helped shape her adulthood. somehow she persevered, if not flourished, after boarding school ended and she went on to go to college and later become a successful podcaster and writer. there were themes of accountability during the metoo movement, as well as realizing through a white woman's perspective what it was like for the man who was prosecuted for a crime he didn't commit because he was racially profiled and how his treatment was completely overlooked for years. i thought that part was interesting, because around this time (2018) many white women were becoming uncomfortably aware of their privilege--still women, so still dealing with sexism regularly, but closer to anyone else on the totem pole because of their proximity to the top of the line, white men. i felt like i could relate a lot to the main character in the way she was treated as a teen, and the self worth issues she brought up. especially how she felt around her roommate. the body stuff, the fact that simply because her roommate was thin and she wasn't made her roommate get more attention, especially unwanted attention. that all felt so real to me. i read a few reviews of the book after i read it, and a lot of people seemed not to like the main character because of all the reasons i actually related to her. very interesting. i read also that the book was marketed in a way that made it seem like it would be a thriller. it wasn't really, but it was thrilling to me, because i've only recently gotten into "true crime" i mean i can't tell you a single famous story or victim, but i'm dipping my toes into the genre cautiously. i liked it and i guess thats all that matters!
• the mall finished: 7.15
  • great YA book about a topic I love (and am also in the middle of writing a novel about?!). kinda read this for research, wanted to see what other books are out there on the mall, especially ones with similar audiences. so it was good research. I liked the story, I found the 2 friend main characters really fun and I loved the scavenger hunt all around the mall.
• last night at the telegraph club finished: 7.7
  • 57% in... this morning i received my hold and started reading and absolutely have not been able to put it down. truly captivating and riveting <3. just found out it's a YA book?!? i thought it was for an older audience, but now i'm just glad it's meant for young readers. they need this. especially since it's being targeted as a banned book...
  • ok now that I’ve finished I just have a couple critiques. I wish the epilogue was a little bit lengthier on what happened to kath that whole time that Lilly was goin through it. and I’m happy that they both achieved their goals, so so so happy. but I hoped somewhere in the end it would be implied that they were together?? maybe i interpreted it different? I also feel like it didn’t land as well that her dad did end up getting deported due to the McCarthyism… I’m sad for him, I guess I expected it to be laid into the chapters of the story as a climax/conflict point moreso than at the end like that. idk I just wanted to know how it affected their family more. and I am left hoping that her family will one day accept her, this isn’t a critique but just hope for the future for her. <3 lovely book.
• the bones beneath my skin finished: 6.30
  • it was good, I enjoyed it. not so much as previous tj klune books and that’s totally fine. i liked the plot, found it interesting and it made for a quick read. story wise it was a bit gooey— not anything I wouldn’t expect from the author already. so much found family and devoted companionship like usual. and if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. he knows his formula. also I learned that (I think) this book was originally self-published before it got a rerelease. makes some sense!
• pests & other friends
  • lovely book, so beautifully illustrated <3
• rogue squadron finished: 6.25
  • tried reading last year, had to set it down because the action wasn't something i was prepared for, but after finishing shadows of the empire i felt like revisiting old EU, so here i am.
  • the most interesting thing right now to me is that they're alluding that corran horn might be force sensitive?? and it reminded me of the obi-wan series and this little kid whose name was corran who was trying to escape the empire, so... yeah, cool. i hope i'm not wrong about this hint (63% in rn)
  • man. unfortunately i dont see myself continuing with the series. it's a bit too action for moi. but hey, i got thru this one. the main motivation was corran's relationships, and possibility of being force sensitive
• a latte like love finished 6.24
  • oof, this is gonna be the longest review i've written on here. i saw this book in a little free library and did a double take, but then decided not to grab it. next morning, i looked it up on goodreads and found out it's a reylo book turned trad pub, and went straight back on a walk to get the book. i really liked the beginning, like a lot. all the way until it icked me out when it was very apparent that it would be an insta love and not closer to a slow burn like it had seemed. to be clear, i'm not a reylo girl, but i am fascinated by the fandom, and it gives me a bit of nostalgia for the period of time when the sequel trilogy was coming out, when we were all hopeful that disney SW would be good, etc. (not to mention just pre-pandemic vibes)... so i kept on with this 500pg book. it's insane how much of the fanfic was clearly still in this thing tho, like the editor was really phoning it in. after the first 1/3 of the book up until their second date i believe, i was constantly groaning or being grossed out or saying things aloud like 'that's not realistic, come on!' etc. and now that i've read like 6 reylo books (idk i stopped counting), here are some of the seemingly obligatory themes/tropes/cliches in this book that the author just couldnt help herself with...
  • "he's so big he barely fits on my couch, and i'm so itty bitty teeny tiny super smol", she's somehow always in college and the age gap is sooo prominent that it needs to be pointed out so much and how her trauma makes her seem older, virginity OFC, because there's no way rey ever had sex in all her years before meeting ben, henley mentioned of courseeeeee, "let the past die" was a line she actually uttered, entire boob in mouth because he's so big, remember??? his "plush lips" were mentioned every page GROSS. growly and dominating in bed but crying at every moment discussing anyone's trauma or just feelings at all. crying and incapacitated in extremely hot shower but ofc the only way to save him is to get into the shower naked and not turn off the water and open a window for fresh air. "omg she likes me? but i'm a disgusting monster!!! i'm also old money and NY version of banksy, and a very successful graphic designer who knows all the famous artists, but no wayyyyyy there's no way she lieks me, i'm so hideous and also i haven't had a partner in five years because conveniently i just didn't want one, but no no no there's no way i'm actually attractive. he cooks, he has a massive brownstone with a view of the river (but he bought it at the right time so "it was a steal", he has a hot tub and a garden balcony, he can bench press 300 despite his disability that causes him to limp. OH AND he is a NEON artist because get it? lightsabers. and the cherry on top: FMC is unfortunately underdeveloped and I couldn’t tell you one thing I remember about her aside from shes a barista and an engineering student, so I guess she’s a self insert? I wish she was just developed more that’s all. perhaps if the conflict wasn’t all about him and his family, or if the conflict was something more like he doesn’t feel like he deserves her and he breaks up with her to spare her (like make it believable how insecure he fucking is) or idk something where she wasn’t just taking a back seat in her own story? in the end, this book is painfully too hetero for my taste, but i still am somehow fascinated by reylo literature and will never learn my lesson and will always run back to a little free library if there's a reylo book in there i guess.
  • god i wish i didn’t have so many thoughts about this, but i do want to say that I’d read whatever else this author writes in the future. :)
  • god dammit, one last thought for real: i'm finding myself stuck in that place of the first 1/3 of the book before the date. there was so much potential to keep it as a slow burn. and make it actually really good :( sooo fix it fic when?? who among us?
• the great beanie baby bubble finished: 6.21
  • since this book is about something i actively remember experiencing as a kid, it of course made me think about my own relationship with beanie babies. and that was: i'm 99% positive the reason my family (mom, grandma) didn't jump on this trend was because we were too poor and they were too overwhelmed to hunt for beanies like many of the moms that did participate in the craze, so i feel mildly lucky. during my read, i went through every beanie baby from every release year, and i maybe had 2 per year tops, starting in 1996, ending in 1999. so that's like 8 total? and i'm also counting the teeny beanie babies, because as mentioned, poor. so i really cherished the beanies i had! they were so special to me, not because they were beanie babies but because they were cute as hell! i mean, quackers??? come on! scottie?! a national treasure.
  • i also have vivid memories of being told by adults not to rip off the hang tag because the beanie would lose its value, but that was later in my collecting time, so half are tagless and half do have their hang tags (the newer ones lol).
  • and another thing, as a kid i remember we ALL called them T.Y. beanie babies, not Ty Beanie Babies, like they were supposed to be called, and i will never change the way i say it, becuase ty warner is an absolute asshole.
  • anyway, this book really examined the intricacies of the bubble in a way that i really liked. it feels very topical and pertinent to what's going on with the "ai bubble," and while i can't wait for this ai bubble to pop, seeing how previous bubbles like the beanie bubble fared does cause for some alarm.
• shadows of the empire finished: 6.5
  • i have picked this up and put it down a couple times up until the 30% mark, THEN it finally got good and now i'm 50% through but had to return it to the library... hoping i get the hold soon so i can finish it. almost willing to make a new acct on an audiobook site to finish it XD
  • welp, i made a new acct on an audiobook site so i could get access to the book, and i'm happy to report back that it was worth it (to me). what a good book! i continue to be entertained by EU, when canon can really frustrate me a lot of the time. the antagonist xizor was absolutely disgusting, and while i am a bit amazed that they let the author write him attempting to (and practically succeeding) SA leia, i was so angry that it was in there in the first place??? leia gets SO much oversexualization and it's nasty. i know she's strong, but it just gave me the ick that they felt like her character is fine nearly escape assault yet again. like pick on someone else! ideally no one should get SA'd but make it luke next time, or idk. ugh.
• lucky day finished: 5.27
  • this book wasn’t for me, but i love chuck tingle as a person and as a writer, so i'll very likely always attempt to read future books of his.
• the invisible life of addie larue finished: 5.12
  • ok i loved the book all the way until the very end. when she doesn’t manage to find a way out of luc’s grasp it really bothered me. shouldnt THAT be the story being told??? Not this “when he least expects it I’ll get him back” but HOW after 300 years of abuse and torment, she finds a way to end this tumult? I saw it a mile away that henry made a deal for time, and knew addie would do something to trade her own life for it or some sort of exchange with luc, but i really thought the ending would be the two of them living out mortal lives together. NOT that they’d be separated and henry would publish her story and she’d not be with him. I dunno why it even matters to me so much that they be together, he didn’t seem so interesting, but he had potential. It was only a few months anyway. I just wanted addie to rise above and break away from her stupid contract with luc. Also, he says like twice that she’s not a mortal, so then is she a god?!?? Surely there are more gods, and she could be one of them. She definitely was enough people’s muse and so many people profited off of her. She deserved to have a god status, to do some fucking damage to at least luc. I dunno, like i said the book was mostly good until the end. The potential was wasted to me.
• james finished: 5.7
  • so this book took me into a whole other place. (I just finished reading some stupid jerk’s review on goodreads and don’t feel like responding to them directly so here’s my thoughts). not only was it so palpable the horror and violence that enslaved people went through, but the tone throughout was they experience it so much that it’s past the point of trauma for them anymore. which is enraging and sickening that they went through this. it was so meaningful that other slaves like the one who stole the pencil for him, gave their lives willingly so that he could move forward. his kin really believed that he was worth their sacrifice. the reveal that James was huck’s father and that they basically went their separate ways— that was very realistic to me. huck has passed this whole time, why go with james anywhere when he can live free. Im still sad that the white passing man died… im sad that there were so many deaths. but it feels realistic. james getting revenge on the overseers… finally in that part of the book (part 3) he had full confidence and control. he’d been through being sold, getting whipped by random white assholes on his journey, minstrel singing, appeasing every white person on his way back home. the moment he is looking for his family he is done letting things happen to him, he is ready to do whatever it takes with whatever consequences come with it. the fact that it ends with them in Iowa like that… this is a new james. The journey the story it was written in the way it would’ve been in that time. and we’re meant to believe that he wrote it down with that pencil. loved it.
• cobalt squadron finished: 5.4
  • it was good, kinda wish there was more but not sure what i was hoping for from a story about a character that they gave up on because disney fucking sucks. Rose Tico is my girl and she deserves better!!!!
• oathbound finished: 4.20
  • omg probably my fav of the three? Definitely fav of 2 and 3. So much learned in these 3 books, can’t fricken wait for next year for 4th!!!
• bloodmarked finished: 4.13
  • so great
• legendborn finished: 3.12
  • 11%: so far I’m loving this!!! it’s a really long book and I hope I don’t fizzle out like I have been lately. but maybe why I’ve been fizzling out with other books is because I’ve been looking for something like this
  • finished and i truly cannot put into words how damn good this book was. she made me really give a damn about arthurian legend! it’s such a good premise, so well executed. bree is such a strong character and I loved her ability to connect with her ancestors. black feminine strength is so needed in literature. the way that the women in her lineage got their powers from the first woman in a trauma makes for such a tension filled story, i’m here for it entirely. go Bree!!!!
• vagabond finished: 3.2
  • great memoir by Tim curry. comforting too.
• the wake-up call finished: 2.9
  • really great romance book, good for research. liked the set up. liked the payoff.
• Cougar Crossing finished: 1.13
  • LOVE, want this in my collection for sure <3
• Imogen, Obviously finished: 1.13
  • 15% through: wow the author is really taking a magnifying glass to a literal experience I’ve had that is so unique/niche and isolating and really telling you that you’re not actually alone
  • finished: loved it and really resonated with imogen. really solidifying my feelings about being queer and calmed thoughts about it not needing to be explained. coming out is for you. there’s no one perfect way of being queer. it doesn’t fit into a box, and it shouldn’t.
• Project Hail Mary finished: 1.3
  • wip: loving the past tense and present tense timelines and honestly having a great time with this book, genuinely want to know what happens next and not intimidated by the book length
  • finished: well I chose a funny time to stop rating books because I’d give this five astropage free stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟. it was so goood!!! I absolutely LOVE the first contact aspect, absolutely entranced by Rocky and his people. what a delightful read.

→ dnf:

• leia, princess of alderaan
  • only a few chapters in and I’m reminded of why Leia is the best leader. What she’s doing to help those people on the occupied planet… literally things that are going on right now in our government. Chilling. Love her!
  • ok so i dunno if it's just my attention span lately or what, but i keep having trouble getting past the first 1/3 of the book. maybe another time...
• master and apprentice
  • just absolutely could not get into it
• trials of the Jedi
  • tried so many times… couldn’t pay me to care rn
• meet me under the mistletoe