note to self

• you lending me your cap when i kept trying to hide from the sunlight because it was too warm, even though you obviously don't like to show your botak head, even though you'd get warm too
• when you make the effort to message me or call me, even on sundays when i send you off — all the days you update me on what's going on with you and how you feel and always remembering to ask me how i am and how i'm doing as well
• when you constantly wait for me even though i really should know better than to keep being late, when you still greet me with a smile even if you've actually waited hours, even though you always give salty comments that you don't really 100% mean
• how you are always patient with me, even when i'm being horrid, even when it's my fault, even when it's frustrating. your patience has been too much for me at times, like i don't deserve any of it
• how you constantly pick up the tab for meals and how maybe i don't say thank you enough, even though i am thankful and how i feel bad for not being able to spend more on you
• how you stayed with me overnight at the cc for quite a number of times, when i was rushing my assignments and how you didn't once complain even though the chairs were probably shit and not the best to sleep in
• how you rushed down to meet me when i called and cried over being stressed and my mother that one time, and you brought cookies that i didn't eat but how your company was infinitely sweet enough for me
• the fact that you pay for all my uber rides back whenever i go back from your place or basically from anywhere where there is no more public transport, i know it's your way of making sure i get home safe
• how you constantly think of me even when i don't know about it, how you try your best to always have me in mind with the decisions you make and how you prefer to spend time with me over most other people on your free days
• when you got me a motivational study pack for the period before my submissions and how surprised i was by it because i didn't expect it or thought i deserved any of it
• how you always tell me 'i love you' even when i can't say it back some days
• how you make me feel safe and protected, maybe because of how your hands are larger than mine or maybe because your presence is soothing or maybe because you can actually carry me or pin me down
• how you try to learn about what i like, be it murakami or gintama or art museums or clothes, and how i wish i could learn about you as much as i can as well
• how goofy you are all the time, even when i least expect it (like when you asked me to be your girlfriend and you actually said ai stead mai when i did not expect it at all), how easy it is for you to make me smile because honestly i cannot stay mad at you