sometimes i wonder. am i overdramatic? if there's something i hate is to let bad things root for more time than intended. i always try to cut it as soon as possible because i honestly don't want bad things around me. i do it in different ways. i guess some people don't like it. my mom used to criticize me a lot for it. but i can't rememeber being wrong, at the same time. i know a lot of things that i feel. and i might not like feeling it, but i've come to accept it, in a way or another. there's nothing else i can do about it. i can't let feelings gnaw inside of me forever and feeling ashamed for it. that shit will kill me one day, lol.

my depression isn't doing any better. i've had self-deprecating thoughts nonstop for over a week now. i think i might consider it a little victory that i've been feeling too tired to stop at home and think about self-harm. although i harm myself in other ways than physically.

i remember feeling like shit in the past, and now too. hahahaha these are even similar situations. kind of blame myself for always needing to step up for myself but well, no one else's going to do it.. gotta do everything by my fucking self around here!!

i'm not dumb. but i'm also thinking of this as a heavenly sign, somehow. it's not a coincidence the same thoughts and patterns kept repeating and repeating over and over again, no matter how much time passes. i guess i'm not important at all, and that's good to know. puts some things at ease in my mind (surprisingly).