• Adulting is crying while eating a pop tart
  • Adulting is being too afraid to call the doctor so you don’t go at all
  • Adulting is buying books that you shouldn’t buy because you already have so much to read
  • Adulting is being too lazy to ask for a refund on something
  • Adulting is getting lost while driving around looking for a Staples
  • Adulting is saying yes to someone when they ask you a question and you didn’t hear it at all
  • Adulting is wanting a puppy but knowing you’re not responsible enough to own one
  • Adulting is daydreaming of a new job while working a shitty one
  • Adulting is driving an hour to the bank just to cash a check
jan 6 2021 ∞
jan 6 2021 +
  • Social media has diminished my ability to enjoy things. In becoming attached to it, things no longer seem relevant without it.
  • Deleting social media was like detaching from everyone and everything. It was a very lonely and isolating feeling.
  • Now when I experience things, I still feel the urge to share them on social media. It's scary because I can't (or won't) and so my thought becomes, "What's the point anymore?".
  • It's worrisome that I can't enjoy things simply to enjoy them anymore. I have to display my perceived happiness to others. For instance, when I go on vacation now I still take pictures but I see no point in it without social media.
  • I worry that my ability to appreciate things in the moment has been permanently damaged by social media. It's harder for me...
sep 22 2020 ∞
sep 22 2020 +
  • "Random question for you: do you think if we had kids that they would be smart? Because this lady at work talks all the time about how intelligent her daughter is. That's she's only six years old and she's already coding, playing piano, and building bird houses on her own. I'm worried our not-yet-born, fictional daughter is falling behind where she needs to be at her age."
  • "Did you get hacked? I saw you post an article about getting free stocks on Twitter and that doesn't seem like you at all. I reported the tweet but I wanted to check just in case it's legit and you're actually spreading your filthy propaganda all over the place. Tsk tsk if so."
  • "You eat lentils so much that eventually you're going to turn into one. And then we won't be able to date anymore, cause you know, you'll be a lentil."
jul 31 2020 ∞
aug 6 2020 +
  • On Wednesdays drinks coffee out of a mug that says "Mondays Should Be Optional" and has a picture of a sloth hanging from a tree
  • Has anywhere from six to seven books stacked on her bedside table even though she's only reading two or three at a time
  • Sleeps with a night guard in her mouth to keep her teeth from grinding (and she never washes it because she's disgusting like that)
  • Has far too many pairs of socks and only wears a couple of pairs regularly
  • Buys a stuffed Baby Yoda (aka "The Child") to hang out in her office
  • Pretends to know what's going on at work but in reality knows absolutely nothing (and therefore has impostor syndrome)
  • Takes the shrimp tails off before she cooks the shrimp and gags several days later when they stink up her trash
jul 29 2020 ∞
aug 26 2020 +
  • A few months ago, N and I decided to try a new Thai restaurant that we'd heard good things about. It was sort of a long drive out of our way, but the promise of some decent Pad Thai in an area that doesn't know how to pronounce Pad Thai made it worth the journey. The place was very small from the outside and it was packed with people. I already knew we wouldn't be staying- N doesn't like crowds and has weird rules about having to wait for a table. We opened the door anyway. The inside was loud and crowded as we shuffled towards the empty hostess stand. I was preparing to immediately do a 180 back out of the entrance when I caught a woman looking at N. The woman had to be in her early 30s- red headed, short, wearing a wrap dress with a sweater and boots, sitting at a high top table next to friends. I didn't notice anything unusual except for her smil...__Sometimes I wonder if I interrupted him m...__
jun 2 2020 ∞
oct 1 2020 +
  • Bagels, donuts, and coffee
  • Sleeping in on Saturday mornings
  • Left over Thai food
  • Afternoons spent reading in my cozy recliner
  • That garlic sauce that comes with my Papa John's pizza
  • Rainy days, especially cold ones
  • Sweaters and jackets
  • Canceled plans/events that I didn't want to go to
  • N's smile
aug 3 2020 ∞
aug 6 2020 +
  • Where to eat (constantly)
  • What to watch (always)
  • How soft/firm a bed should be (this happens more often than you'd think)
  • Whether Danzig is a band or just a man
  • How many meals you should eat in day
  • How to spell "millennium"
  • Making fun of a pimple
  • Picking at someone's pimple
  • Throwing out day old chicken
  • Posting theoretical bail
  • Waking up someone over a nightmare
  • Poking someone in the belly button
  • Drinking energy drinks
  • Working out and dieting
  • Going on a trip to Myrtle Beach
  • What bagels should've been picked at the store
  • His college homework
  • Why Trump is scum
  • Why N voting for Trump again was wrong
jun 12 2020 ∞
jan 14 2021 +
  • Read more Fran Lebowitz
jan 14 2021 ∞
jan 14 2021 +
  • Be less materialistic. Research minimalism and learn to let go of belongings that have no purpose. Organize and throw away/ donate things that no longer have use.
  • Be healthier. Look into intermittent fasting. Learn balance. Maintain a normal weight consistently.
  • Travel more. Look into working remotely permanently.
  • Continue to learn. Look into master's programs and certificates. Read books about your field more often. Take more classes and learn valuable skills for work.
  • Let go of the past. Appreciate the lessons learned but don't linger on things that cannot be changed. Accept it for what it is.
sep 22 2020 ∞
oct 1 2020 +
  • I wish I hadn't let my old friendships end over pettiness; I wish I could go back in time and mend those precious relationships
  • I wish that I had taken better care of myself during college and had more self-control and acceptance
  • I wish I understood my purpose and place in the world
  • I wish I wasn't so sensitive and anxiety-riddled-- that I had more confidence in myself and my convictions
  • I wish that I didn't take criticism so harshly; I wish that I were able to see it solely in a constructive light
  • I wish that I were able to do more during the day; I wish that my job didn't require me to sit at a desk for so long
  • I wish that I read faster so that I were able to read more books
  • I wish that I had an artistic bone in my ...
sep 10 2020 ∞
oct 1 2020 +
  • "We are looking forward to seeing you!"
    • "Thanks. I'll make sure to get high beforehand to make the experience tolerable for myself."
    • "I'm looking forward to seeing you too but not the rest of the family so much because all family events remind me of my less than ideal life and tend to turn into a comparison game."
    • "I am looking forward to everything except for faking my enthusiasm on my cousin's new engagement because I am secretly jealous although I'll never let on. Instead I will pretend to be ecstatic for her and issue rapid-fire questions on her wedding plans to hide the fact that I'm crying on the inside. I would also be surprised if I received a wedding invitation."
    • "I'm looking forward to it as well but the only reason I am attending is for my gr...
aug 5 2020 ∞
sep 29 2020 +
  • That time they buzzed me in at the Jared Jewelry store but I pushed the door instead of pulling it and two women started yelling at me to just pull the door you idiot so in a panic I pushed even harder and the two women had to come open the door while simultaneously rolling their eyes so hard that they flew out of their faces and rolled away.
  • That time I ran into my old boss from Macy's at Staples after I was a no-show for four weeks and so I hid behind backpacks and other school supplies for an hour just to avoid an awkward encounter even though I'm pretty sure he saw me anyway and thought damn, dodged a bullet with that one didn't I.
  • That time at Michael's during my holiday rush shift where a woman fought with me over the price of a Christmas tree and then threw a stack of fifty coupons at me an...
may 20 2020 ∞
sep 22 2020 +
  • Chewing my lips: Can't help it, the girl can't help it.
  • Picking at my skin: This is an anxious habit that I do absentmindedly without even realizing it.
  • Drinking energy drinks: My addiction started when I was fifteen and had my first Red Bull while visiting St. Thomas with a friend. I was hooked and had multiple energy drinks a day during our entire trip. It's gotten out of control since then and has become my unhealthiest habit. I am trying desperately to stop.
  • Not taking care of my car: I should be getting it washed at least monthly but I keep putting it off because going to the car wash gives me severe anxiety for some reason. So, I just let it get icky and dirty and don't do anything about it until I realize how disgusting it truly is.
  • Not taking out the trash as often as I should: Our garbage is forever away from our apartment which means my lazy ass always put...
jul 11 2020 ∞
jul 29 2020 +
  • If I had a nickel every time NVIDIA GeForce had an update on my computer, I would count the nickels and put them away in my savings like the responsible human being that I am.
  • I peered out of my bedroom window because there was commotion outside and saw the carpet guys installing new carpet across the street. It's 8 pm on a weeknight! Are you insane!? Stop that banging! I have to sleep soon!
  • If you gather the hair from behind your ears and tuck it in front of your ears you've instantly given yourself an elven makeover.
  • I am personally ashamed at how many tie dye shirts I own as a woman in her late 20s. I should be investing in business wear not hitting up the local thrift mall to see if Tammy has restocked her tie dye inventory in my size. To be fair, the woman...
jun 2 2020 ∞
oct 1 2020 +
  • Buy N’s Valentines gifts
  • Buy N’s Valentines card
  • Buy N’s chocolate heart
  • Buy N a birthday present
  • Buy N a birthday card
  • Wrap N’s presents
  • Make a doctor’s appointment
  • Wash sheets
  • Laundry
jan 12 2021 ∞
jan 28 2021 +
  • Adventures in Taylorland: Stories About One Woman Who Just Couldn't Handle Any of It
  • I Pulled a Tick Off My Boyfriend's Back (And Other Stories of Terror)
  • My Ex-Fiance Is My Best Friend (And Other Wild Confessions)
  • Hold the Cheese Please (And Other Unpopular Habits I'm Not Proud Of)
  • I Didn't Mean To (But I Did Anyway): The Life of a Mischievous Woman
  • Female Protagonist: How I Starred and Wallowed in My Own Designated "Melodrama"
  • Emotional Bitch (And Other Names I've Been Called)
  • Fake Feelings (And Real Feelings That Someone Thought Were Fake)
  • Bipolar Days (And Some Other More Uninteresting Days)
  • Nothing But Drama (You Would Cry Too, Boo F*cking Hoo): Stories
apr 30 2020 ∞
may 20 2020 +
  • Jealousy of others' youth
  • Commenting on how awful the generation is below you
  • Random, inexplicable pains and aches
  • The desire to get up before the sun rises so you can accomplish more during the day
  • Not wanting to spend any money so you can accrue more in your savings
  • General concerns about your 401k and retirement plan
  • The inability to function normally without caffeine
  • Commenting on younger people's fashion sense
  • Paying your bills early and feeling anxious when they're close to being due
  • Being deeply invested in local news and politics
  • Not knowing any modern day music artist
may 11 2020 ∞
oct 1 2020 +
  • Math: I've always hated math and numbers. I suppose I got into the wrong field. If math were a person it would be my number one enemy. I'm so thankful to the restaurants that have the tip already calculated for you so I don't have to spend ten minutes panicking over my phone to make sure I'm tipping the correct amount. For shame.
  • Parallel parking (or parking in general): In our neighborhood there is only parallel parking. It takes me almost thirty minutes just to be able to park and even then I'm usually crooked or parked three feet from the curb (which I run over consistently). It's embarrassing. You'd think I'd be improving over time and yet I continue to be terrible at it. I even have a back up camera!
  • Small talk: I'm so awkward and uncomfortable making small talk, especially with strangers. In the elevator at work someone will tell m...
jul 22 2020 ∞
jul 27 2020 +
  • My large nose. Nora Ephron wrote "I Feel Bad About My Neck" and as an ode to her I write "I Feel Bad About My Nose." It's huge, massive, gargantuan, grotesque. It takes up so much space in this apartment that it should start paying rent. I can't ever do coke because my large nostrils would surely suck up enough for me to overdose my first time around. You shouldn't be able to fit fucking quarters in your nostril holes. Not to mention the size of my pores! Ever used one of those Biore pore strips? My nose is a gold mine I tell you. My dream is to one day hack off this Mr. Potato Head monstrosity and replace it with one of the far more delicate, feminine variety. My only fear is that cutting off my Squidward-esque nose would raise my voice six octaves and I'll sound like I just ingested helium permanently. And the cherry on top of these grievances? I snore like a m...
may 29 2020 ∞
jul 7 2020 +
  • BLOCKBUSTER! Please come back to me my love! I miss our Friday night routine that we shared together. Me browsing your shelves for the perfect movie and you providing me with mostly garbage. I'll never forget standing in your lines with your membership card out (which I still own) and giving into the urge of buying that microwavable popcorn tub with extra butter. Somehow that popcorn tasted better than just your run of the mill grocery store popcorn. I think it's because I knew it was from your store. Rest in peace, you beautiful, awful thing.
  • DUNKAROOS! I would rip off the lid and immediately scoop out as much icing (chocolate was the best- fight me) as possible with one cookie. Then once all of the icing was gone (and I mean the plastic carrier was licked clean) I would eat the rest of the cookies. A quick Google search of ...
may 29 2020 ∞
jun 25 2020 +
  • Sleep Paralysis. Ever been in an in-between sleep and wake phase where you can't move a muscle as you hallucinate a demon spooning you and whispering threatening things in your ear? Or ever been woken up by the girl from The Grudge sitting on your chest as you dig your fingers into her eyeballs unable to wake up? Sleep paralysis is like a nightmare on steroids.
  • Mosquitoes. I'm not fucking joking. Did you know the thing they have attached to their heads that greedily feeds off of your life source is called a "proboscis" and it's actually made up of six micro-needles that are specifically designed to find your blood vessels to drain you of blood? There's a scene is this Will Ferrell movie called Land of the Lost where Ferrell's character is bit by a giant mosquito and I swear to God that I almost fainted during it. Not to mention all of the gross diseases they pass on. Fuc...
may 20 2020 ∞
sep 22 2020 +