- "We are looking forward to seeing you!"
- "Thanks. I'll make sure to get high beforehand to make the experience tolerable for myself."
- "I'm looking forward to seeing you too but not the rest of the family so much because all family events remind me of my less than ideal life and tend to turn into a comparison game."
- "I am looking forward to everything except for faking my enthusiasm on my cousin's new engagement because I am secretly jealous although I'll never let on. Instead I will pretend to be ecstatic for her and issue rapid-fire questions on her wedding plans to hide the fact that I'm crying on the inside. I would also be surprised if I received a wedding invitation."
- "I'm looking forward to it as well but the only reason I am attending is for my grandmother who doesn't have very many years left to live and I will feel forever guilty if she passes soon and I missed her last birthday. That thought will haunt me eternally. And so I shall show up with surprise birthday balloons, a gold foil 8 and 0, to emphasize my enthusiasm for the event and to appear as if I am in fact a wonderful granddaughter."
- "I'm looking forward to cake and pizza but I'm not looking forward to pretending I know nothing about my aunt and uncle's separation and the fact that they aren't living together anymore. It will be an elephant in the room that I will have to navigate around."
- "I'm looking forward to the party but not the part afterward when you all will inevitably whisper about how much weight I've lost or gained or how I should be married with a family already. I know that these conversations will happen regardless of how nice I appear on that day and so I figure, fuck it, might as well not try at all. I'm not even planning on wearing makeup."
- "I'm not looking forward to it all but I need an excuse to get away from my boyfriend for a weekend and a six-hour drive singing to my favorite music that I never get to listen to and a hotel room with a big empty bed both seem like the ideal temporary escape for me."
- "I'm not really looking forward to it and may back out at any second using my work as an excuse. I will for certain look like a shitty, flaky person and you all will roll your eyes and say, "How predictably Taylor." I will swallow my shame and pretend the event never happened as it goes on without me."
- "I'm glad you got the job. It's always nice to be able to save for rainy days and emergencies."
- "Yeah but what about our future that I'm working so hard at manifesting, you fuckface? Sure, I'll save for that type of bullshit you mentioned but I'm far more concerned with a house and an eventual wedding. Are you just going to deny we have any future potential?"
- "Are you kidding me? Do you not see a future together? Are you just a one giant walking commitmentphobe? Sure I'm going to save for other things but you already know what I want so stop pretending like I've never asked for it, you douchecanoe!"
- "I'm glad you're glad I got the job. Now we have more time to spend away from each other (because really we see each other just too damn much, am I right?) Now that my weekends will be filled saving up for our pretend wedding and house, I will barely have any time to see you which doesn't seem to bother you in the slightest. I guess I know where your priorities lie."
- "Thanks. I was really getting this job in order to help pay for our wedding and maybe towards a down payment on a house but I know that you don't see either one of those things happening in the immediate future or I don't know, ever. Maybe this second job will help pay for other things I want that you don't, like a dog or more books or my shitty DVDs that you hate so much."
- (Sad face emoji) (Tear face emoji) (Skull face emoji)
- "Fine, I'll go with you."
- "Oh thank you, thank you so much my lord! I know how insanely difficult it is for you to do me a favor. I know how much of a tremendous effort it is for you to be selfless in any way."
- "I'm just so relieved because I don't know what I'd do without you there. I'd probably just roll over and die and then people would stare at me and poke me with a stick."
- "I really wish you would've saved me the time and worry and told me three weeks ago when I initially asked you-- not the week of when I was already planning to go alone. But thanks anyways I guess."
- "If you hate the idea that much then please don't go with me. Just stay here and wallow in your own self pity rather than go with me and make it a miserable time. I'm so tired of your negativity that the thought of spending an entire weekend absorbed in it makes me want to pop my eye out with a spoon. Please be fucking nice and no biting."
- "Did they complain about all of those dance parties?"
- "What in the actual fuck are you talking about? Dance parties? What dance parties? I am so fucking confused right now.
- "Ummm... I don't know what you mean by that. Are you insinuating that I'm quiet as hell and need to lighten up with a "dance party"? If so, that's rude and you should probably mind your own business.
- "Huh? Dance parties? What do you even mean? Was the text meant for me or for someone else because I have a giant question mark over my head right now."
- "Hahahahahahaha you are just so funny, seriously. You should be a comedian. Damn you for making me cry with your humor. It just hurts so much I can't breathe. You are hilarious."
aug 5 2020 ∞
apr 13 2021 +