• Daniel, the man who checked me in, saw that I was reading The Shining. Told me if I hadn’t read The Stand that I must do so immediately. Tells me to look up an interview with George RR Martin and Stephen King.
  • Finished Sugar-Free Red Bull. There is no trashcan. Now I must hold it awkwardly between my legs so that I can type this.
  • “A Horse With No Name” is playing in the background. As I hum along I receive dirty looks from the fellow sitting near me who is typing on his laptop. I stop humming.
  • I smell coffee. I want coffee. Where is said coffee?
  • I’m looking at the Herald Leader. Man, I love reading the paper. Reminds me of my old college morning routine: go to a coffee shop named Java Dog in downtown Wilmington at 6 am. Be the first to buy a bagel (still hot) and order a large black coffee. Grab one of the free Star News newspapers for students. Pet Meg, the owner’s fifteen-year-old Chocolate Lab. Let Meg out when she barks. Let her back in when she barks. Proceed to eat bagel, drink coffee, and read the paper. Do the crossword at the end. Then work on homework until class started at 8 am.
  • Mike was just paged over the intercom. We all look around. No Mike to be found. I have a suspicion he’s in the bathroom but I say nothing.
  • Another man comes in. He nods at me. All I say is hey but it comes out raspy like my throat is filled with spit. He smiles but is visibly uncomfortable. For some reason I pretend to take a sip from my Red Bull can, even though it’s empty. I just faked drinking. What is wrong with me?
  • “Listen to The Music” is playing now. My hands are so sweaty with anxiety that I don’t dare put this phone down. It’ll be covered in wet handprints.
  • Can’t figure out why the new guy who came in sat next to me. There’s a billion places to sit in this place. Why do people like to invade the bubbles of others? It’s like that one jerk who chooses to sit next to you at an empty movie theater. I swear people must get off on that kind of thing.
  • My hands are shaking. Anxiety. Caffeine. Meds. They will never stop shaking. Ask me to draw a straight line, I dare you.
  • The Honda Shuttle came to take half of our crew away. The man next to me is gone. Sweet relief.
  • Daniel comes in to check on me. Tells me a story about an ’03 Honda that hit a million miles. Is very excited by the story. Said the odometer read all nines. He asks me if I like coffee. I say “yes!”. He tells me that I should take the shuttle to the coffee place a mile down the road. I’m disappointed. Not only is there no coffee for me on the premises but this is a tactic to extend my waiting time. Long waits look bad for them and decrease their customer service score. Coffee would make a convenient distraction. He must have me pegged after seeing the Red Bull. Dammit, Daniel, you clever salesman.
  • I hope they know I have a hair appointment at 1 pm that I do not intend to miss.
  • I swear I smell an onion bagel. How incredibly suspicious that my favorite bagel would be within a nose reach. I’m onto you Honda. Or should I say PURGATORY?!?! Yes, that’s right, purgatory is a waiting room in a car dealership.
  • A tall bald man who looks like John Malkovich saunters past my chair. He sighs a deep resigned morning sigh that surely signifies Friday. He goes to the randomly placed sink behind me and washes his hands. As he walks back he sighs again.
  • Another bald man, this time in a suit, walks past me. He makes a noise which sounds like a stifled laugh. What is there to laugh about? I wonder.
  • Oh my God, please let me get out of here. Someone help me. Someone take pity on my soul.
  • Just received a text from my hairdresser asking me to come in later. How odd. Some things just happen like that.
  • “Peace Train” is playing.
  • Jason from work texts me. He is complaining about my old boss. I tell him I understand his pain. He asks me where I am today. I tell him where I am.
  • I realize I am sore from the gym. Especially my back. The elliptical is an unforgiving bitch. The stair stepper is even worse.
  • Ding ding goes the service bell. Ding ding every time a car pulls up. Ding ding.
  • An elderly woman who is also wearing a striped shirt comes in. She also brought a book. Smart lady. And it’s a library book too! Is this me forty years into the future? Maybe this truly is purgatory and I’ve been here reading a library book for forty years.
  • William, our dear friend and member of the group who has been waiting the longest, gets called to leave. I fare-thee-well, William. I fare-thee-well.
  • I’m hungry. I had a protein bar earlier but it can only take me so far. At work I’d be leaving for lunch right now to go get my usual Vinaigrette Salad Kitchen salad with grilled shrimp on top. Mmm.
  • Daniel just came in. I get excited. He makes a quick right turn to the men’s restroom. What a tease.
  • Hairdresser isn’t responding to my text about a new proposed time. Uh oh. Guess I’ll have these ugly roots in purgatory.
  • Approaching two and a half hours now. I was told an hour. If I see Daniel again he’s in for it.
  • My stomach is audibly growling. The lady with the library book doesn’t look up but I can tell she hears it. Thank you for sparing me my dignity.
  • I’m broaching the borderline where impatience turns into anger. I don’t want to be angry but you can’t tell someone an hour and then almost triple their time.
  • Daniel came in and told the girl who was last to come in that her car was ready. Okay, what the hell? He proceeds to ignore me and avoid eye contact when I try to get his attention. Someone is now on my shit list.
  • I don’t even know why I’m upset. These things usually take all day and I expected it. I think I’m just hangry. Should’ve brought my almonds to snack on.
  • “Brown Eyed Girl” is playing.
  • Daniel finally tells me I’m free to go. 2 hours and 45 minutes. No apologies. I pay and leave my purgatory. Time for lunch.
aug 14 2020 ∞
may 12 2021 +